Surviving Africa
by wwwwwww
Summary: It was only supposed to be a round trip to the U.S., but it all went downhill from there. Now the swordsmen are mistakenly on a flight to Africa! How will they survive those killus maximus monkeys...? Finished!
1. Why Swords Are Dangerous

Author's Notes: Hello! It's me again!

::crickets::

Yeah. Well, I just got done reading some fanfics and I'm ready to start yet another SSBM tale. Well, sort of. This is the sequel to my other SSBM fic, 'Surviving the States'. If you feel the need to go read it again and refresh your memory, please feel free to do so. I'll give you some time.

…

Done? 'Kay. Another reason I hadn't made this sooner was because my friends recently made me go on a violent Zelda high. This disease know as Zeldaitis may cause the need to download over thirty Zelda songs, the need for Zelda fanfics, hyperventilation, the urge to watch the Zelda 2005 trailer over forty times in one day, and the bizarre need to download all thirteen episodes from the old American Zelda show from the 80's.

Yes, you guessed it, everyone; Link had a brown mullet.

Alright, Link. I'm done promoting you now.

Link- Thank you kindly.

::rubs eyes:: Sorry, my eyes were burned after seeing the King of Hyrule in a bathing suit…

Link- …

Marth- Just start the story. You know you're itching to torture us with miscellaneous African paraphernalia.

Mm hm… Yep. That's what I live for. Okay, people. The first chapter of 'Surviving Africa'! Whoohoo!

---

_Chapter Uno_

---

The day had been relatively warm and there was barely a cloud in sight. But of course you couldn't tell this from an airplane because… well, you're actually _in_ the clouds. That's right. You're in the clouds… Soaring above it all. Some people, for the full experience, would just climb out the door of the plane, crawl outside to the right wing and…

Well, we don't want any of the kiddie's hurt, so we won't go into detail. But it was a great day for flying. Yes, there was no better sentiment than the feeling of returning home after a long, exciting trip. Knowing that you'd soon be safe back in your own bed, your own house, with the people you know and love. Ah, what an experience it is. The peace, the tranquility, the…

"ONE, TWO, THREE, GO!"

"My baby don't mess around because she loves me so and this I know fa'sho! WHOOHOO!"

Marth allowed his head to rest on his arm, which was propped up on his seat's armrest. He looked at his nonexistent watch. _Sigh… I'm missing my therapy…_

"… HEY YA! HEY YA…!"

Roy began to do the Running Man in the middle of the airplane aisle.

"Yeah! Shake that groove thang, baby!" an eighty-year-old woman cried out to him from the front seats.

Link, who was also dancing in the aisle, took off his green hat and began to twirl it around. The cheers from the passengers became louder as they cheered the two swordsmen on. After doing some tricks with it, Link held the hat high in the air and continued twirling it.

"Alright!" shouted Link above the cheering crowd and the OutKast music. "Whoever catches this is my new girlfriend!"

Miscellaneous cries and sighs from the girls in the seats were heard. Link stepped forward a bit and shoved Roy, who had started dancing like John Travolta, out of the way. The Hylian held his hat in both hands outstretched in front of him, closed his eyes, and tossed it backwards into the air.

They heard the squealing and shrieking from the crowd as they tried to pounce on the hat. After a few seconds of this, Link heard a few random 'Aw!'s' in disappointment amongst the crowd's chaos. Then he heard the distinct laughter of his redheaded partner-in-crime amidst the clamor. _What's so funny?_ Link asked himself.

The blond turned around only to see his next girlfriend.

"What's all the fuss abo--- YEESH!" Link stopped dead in his tracks.

Roy was overcome with laughter. "Heh! I'm sure you'll have _a lot_ of competition for THIS new girlfriend of yours! Whoo! Hold me back!"

There was the eighty-year-old woman, standing in the middle of the aisle with Link's green hat in wrinkled hands. She was also holding a cellphone to her ear and spoke in an 'old lady' voice, "Where you at? Oh, hold on, Mildred. I have some business to take care of, yo."

The woman closed the cellphone's cover and zipped it in her fanny pack. She looked up at Link as she fidgeted with the hat in her hands. She had the most evil grin spread across her small wrinkled face. To his horror, it reminded Link too much of Gertie's smile.

She strutted up to Link and touched his face gently. "The name's Josephine, yo. I think you're just my type!"

Link's blue eyes because large as he stared at the hip old lady in front of him. With a whimper, he turned around and emitted a high-pitched shriek as he ran into the restroom.

Josephine ran after him. "Wait, yo! We need to make plans for the futuuuure…!"

Roy was still cracking up at the sight of Link going on a date with Josephine at Chuck E. Cheese's for some reason. He then realized that 'Hey Ya' was still playing and continued the song on his own.

Marth, after seeing the whole ordeal and deciding not to interfere, decided it was time to end the nonsense. _Alright, time to bring this house party to a halt. Why do I always end up cleaning up someone else's mess?_ Marth then stood up from his seat and began to run into the newly begun crowd Roy had started up again.

"HEY FELLAS!"

"YEAH!"

"WHAT'S COOLER THAN BEING COOL!"

"ICE COLD!"

"HEY LADIES--- Whoa!"

Marth grabbed Roy's cape, after finally finding him in the crowd, and yanked him downward. Crawling on the ground, the blue-haired swordsman dragged Roy away from the clamor. Marth stood up and dusted himself off with his hands. Roy lay helpless on the ground.

"Why did you do that?" Roy asked, not wanting to move after those complicated dance stunts he pulled off.

Marth glared down at the young swordsman. "Because you and Link are turning this place into a frat house. It just takes a _little_ bit of noise to get that captain worked up, and when he does, there goes the plane! Crash!"

Roy winced.

"… And besides," Marth continued. "You all seem to have forgotten that we're all on a flight to AFRICA!"

The Pheraen thought about this. He _had_ forgotten that small little detail. "Huh. Whoops."

"That's right." The Prince of Altea muttered and pulled Roy to his feet. They both sat down quietly in their seats while everyone else tried to bring the plane down.

There was a short silence as Roy stared out the window. Marth watched the restroom door to see if Link was coming out anytime soon. It didn't seem so, due to the fact that Josephine was camping out in front of the door and roasting marshmallows. All Marth could do was stare at the strange sight. _And I thought _I _had women problems, _he thought.

Roy slowly turned to Marth. "Hey, Marth?"

"What?"

"Do you… think the plane's gonna crash?"

"Good Lord, Roy, I was just kidding! The plane's not going to crash." Marth assured.

Roy breathed a sigh of relief. After all, if the plane crashed, where would all those airline peanuts go? But then he had another thought. "Marth, what if we're stuck in Africa? What if we can't leave or something?"

Marth was becoming tense with all the questions. "We _won't_, Roy. We're just going to switch off at the African airport. _Okay_?"

"Whatever," Roy muttered, still not entirely sure.

"AHHHHHH!"

Link dashed into the aisle and zoomed past the other two swordsmen. He screamed in terror as he fled from the creepy old woman. "SOMEONE HELP ME!! SHE'S OLDER THAN MOSES!!"

"EEHEEHEEHEE! YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME! IT'S OUR DESTINY TO BE TOGETHER!!"

"WAAAAAAH!"

Link and Josephine disappeared into the third-class section. Roy blinked. Marth was almost asleep and glared at the seat in front of him with heavy eyelids.

After that entertaining moment, Roy was listening to his headphones and began to sing in a very bored-like muttering manner, "And we've lost it all… Nothing lasts forever, I'm sorryyyy I can't beeee perfeeeeeect…"

He let the last note drawl out slowly and pitifully as if he were a lonely cat on a fence at nighttime. _Geez, this is more boring than that other plane we were on a long time ago,_ thought Roy. _At least they had airline peanuts that that nice lady gave me before…_

The pyro started to become frustratingly bored and stood up from his seat. He attempted to get past Marth, who was asleep.

Marth stirred as Roy tried to get past him. "Mm… What… Roy? What are you doing?"

"Uh, I dunno."

"Okay, that's nice." Marth replied tiredly and fell back asleep.

Roy was glad Marth went to sleep, for he was going to roam the plane. Just for a bit.

Link was hiding. Hiding from the devil that was Josephine.

_She'll never find me in here…_ Link brushed some of his hair out of his face. _I mean, this would be the LAST place she'd look. She'd never---_

"Hello, gorgeous!"

"AHHH!"

Josephine opened the door to the baggage compartment that hung overtop the passengers' seats in third-class. Link jumped out, freaked out by the frightening lady that stood before him. He immediately ran to another hiding place where there were happy unicorns and rainbows. And flowers.

"Attention all passengers; we will be arriving in Africa shortly. Everyone, please stay in your seats until we---"

Ka-BOOOOM!!

A giant explosion from the rear of the plane cut off the flight attendant's speech. "What the---?!"

All of a sudden, everyone started running amok around the plane screaming and shrieking something about the flying flaming monkeys from Chillicothe attacking. Giant flames were beginning to take over the back of the plane and smoke arose all around. All was in chaos as Marth awoke from a kick to the head.

"OW! Watch it, you moron!" he shouted, but then asked, "Why does it feel so warm in here?"

Marth sat up on his knees backwards in the seat and saw a familiar sight. "ROY!! YOU IDIOT!!"

In the back of the plane, Roy stood in front of the Sword of Seals he had dropped accidently while trying to light airline peanuts on fire and have a cookout. "… Whoops."

"Everyone please stay calm! We are trying to find the source of the… the… Aw, crap, nevermind! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

The flight attendant jumped out the window of the airplane. A few looked out the window only to see her in a parachute floating towards, what they assumed, was Africa. Many gasps were heard as the woman floated safely towards the continent.

Everyone followed the woman's lead and grabbed parachutes magically out from under their seats and put them on. A couple of teenagers went to the exit with their parachutes.

"WOMAN AND CHILDREN FIRST!"

"WHO SAYS, DUDE?!"

"I DO, MAN! SHUT UP!"

"DUDE, YOU BETTER SHUT YER MOUTH…!"

The two got into some weird Dragon Ball Z style fight and ended up both going out of the plane at once. They're parachutes went up as they followed in the flight attendants' footsteps. At this rate, everyone on the plane would end up in the same spot… assuming that they all jumped out of the plane at that second.

Everyone began to jump out like monkeys… sort three swordsmen, of course.

"ROY! LINK! WHERE THE SHELL ARE YOU?!" Marth cried, running up and down the aisle.

"I'M LOOOOOOOST!" Marth heard a voice cry out. It was Link.

"LINK! Get over here!"

Link appeared to fall from the sky as he fell out of another baggage compartment. He flopped onto the ground and lay there helplessly.

Marth tapped him with his foot. "Get up! Roy's still on here somewhere!"

Link and Marth began to run around the plane, calling for Roy and searching everywhere. Under bags, under seats, even under a small rock that had been allowed for the ride.

"Hey, rock? Have you seen Roy anywhere?" Link asked the gray stone.

"No." replied the rock.

"Hm…" Link wandered off to some other spot.

Marth and Link met up in third-class. They realized the fire was dumb. This conclusion arrived at the fact that it didn't spread. Of course, this was good for them, just weird.

Marth scratched his head. "Geez, where did he go?"

"Maybe…" Link pondered. "… Maybe he flushed himself down the toilet! I heard those things are bottomless."

Marth gave like a long, cold stare.

"I'M LEEEEEAVIN' ON A JET PLANE! DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN! I'M LEAVIN'---"

Marth's blue eyes lit up. "That's Roy! He's in the back!"

The two swordsmen ran towards the back of the plane where the fire had started. Surprise, surprise.

"Roy! Are ya in there?!" Link shouted into the fire.

"Yeah."

Marth slapped his forehead. "Well, then find an opening and get out!"

"What for?"

"_To bake cookies._ To ESCAPE, you moron! What'd ya think?!" Marth shouted.

"Oh. Okay."

The Altean and the Hylian were stunned as Roy stood up and walked right out of the fire. Whoa, explain that one. Link's mouth dropped open and Marth just stared in bewilderment.

"Ow!" Roy exclaimed, coming out of the fire. A tiny 'hiss' was heard. "Man, I got 10% damage…"

Link pointed at Roy, his mouth still gaping. "You just… j-just… you…"

"C'mon! Let's go!" Marth grabbed Roy and Link and ran towards the exit. "Everyone left about ten minutes ago!"

Running along and trying to keep up with his faster teammates, Roy shouted, "But where are we going to land? If everyone else already left, then they're all together! What about us?"

"For the love of flying tuna, Roy, I DON'T KNOW! GAH!" The un-therapied Marth snapped and ran to the emergency exit. "Here. Put these freakin' things on."

Link and Roy were each handed a parachute. After many failed attempts to put it on right, they each had their parachutes safely on. Somehow Marth knew what to do. Just the irony of things, apparently.

"Now, when I say 'go', we'll all jump! Ready?" Marth asked, the wind blowing his hair back with great force. The other swordsmen walked up to the open exit and nodded. "Alright! One! Two! Three! GO!"

The three swordsmen jumped and were now flying in the air, on the way to Africa.

---

Author's Notes: Yay! That was fun. I missed my old story.

Roy- Aw, you just missed my singing. Admit it.

Yeah. Um… I'm still not convinced you can sing soprano.

Roy- What? Still? Should I show you?

No! That's okay! Really. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I planned on ending it at a shorter point, but looking back at it, I'm glad I didn't. Yeppers.

I'm still not off my Zelda high. So if you see too many Zelda references in future chapters, I apologize. Just blame my friends. I swear, I downloaded every song from OOT and WW including remixes. And that short one with the band playing a theme, that was pretty cool. And the one with that weird guy singing to the tune of it… How'd it go…? '_Link… has come to town! Come to save… the Princess Zelda! Ganon took her away! And now the children don't play! But they will… when Link saves the day! HALLELUJIAH!_'

Link- You need help.

Well, EXCUUUUUSE me, Link. I wouldn't be talking, Mullet Man.

Link- I hate you.

Really? ::sadness::

Link- I dunno. ::walks away::

Alright, I'm done picking on everyone now. That's it for my first chapter! And this is the OLDER Marth (see? I haven't forgotten) saying:

Marth- GET OFF MAH LAWN, YOU SMELLY KIDS!

Right. Thanks for going through that! ::gives out cookies::


	2. Africa for Dummies

Author's Notes: 'Ello, all! Thanks for all the reviews! ::hands out more cookies::

Marth- You're going to run out of cookies to give if you do this every chapter.

Roy- The HORRORS!

Naw. I'll just send Marth to the store in a maid's outfit to get some.

Marth- What?!

Anyway, I'm aware that it did take me a few days to update. I've been working on CGing a .hack picture for Fanart Central. My next project is coloring my little Roy picture for the Fire Emblem section if anyone cares, so yay for me. And right now I'm sitting in front of my huge book of continents turned to page 89, 'The Geography of Africa'. Perhaps I'll use some knowledge after all.

Link- That's… shocking.

Dear Lord, I know. But in order to avoid being sued by Africans, I'll have to put at least a bit of truth in there. This fic won't survive with just the killus maximus monkeys.

K.M.M.- OOK!

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

---

_Chapter Dos_

---

"AHH! UPDRAFT!"

The wind, which was angry to have so many people flying through its sky, became annoyed and emitted a loud, whoosing gust. The three swordsmen, being the beings currently flying in the sky, were blown every which way.

"Man! We've gotta be at least ten miles away from where we jumped!" Link exclaimed, twisting in the strings of his parachute. He would turn to the left and the strings would twist, then they would untwist, sending him spinning in the air to the right like a maniac. "WHEEEEE!"

Marth held onto the strings loosely, trying to regain composure. _If we all die out here, it's going to be all my fault,_ he thought. _Then I'll never get Secretary Linda's number…_ Marth's face became red as all the times Linda had dropped his medication papers and had to bend down right in front of him at her desk ran through his head. He had to cover his face with one hand to keep his comrades from seeing him grinning like a goofball.

"I dunno, this is kinda fun…" Roy exclaimed, dangling from the parachute like a limp doll. Marth, who wasn't liking the whole 'soaring through the air to his doom' thing, grabbed Roy by the shoulders and spun him quickly.

Roy stopped spinning and gagged. Then he gave Marth an angry look, grabbed Link, and threw him at Marth.

"Y'know, that looks an awful lot like a forest thingy down there," Roy replied, pointing downward towards Africa. "I thought it was all desert."

Link flew back over to Roy and acquired smarty glasses and a pocket protector. "INDEED! That is a forest down there, my redheaded comrade! You see, due an aging process called 'desertification', most forests in Africa are dying out. Desertification is occurring when forests are cut down and result in a desert. Yes, it's true that the Sahara Desert covers a vast amount of Africa, but there are still those rare occurrences of forests. Much like in the western part of Africa near the middle of the continent. The process of desertification is---"

Roy lost interest in Smarty Link's description before it even started. It was like he was reading 'The National Geographic Atlas of the World: Revised Sixth Edition' or something.

Marth sighed and looked into the bright blue sky. The clouds were so pretty… Like tufts of cotton floating in midair. _Cotton… Fluffy cotton…_ thought Marth, finding his happy place. _Cotton is used for so many good things. Pillows, blankets, clothing, Secretary Linda's underw---_

A cloud ruined his moment and hit him in the face.

"Ptooie!" Marth spat as a bunch of cloud went into his mouth. _Eh, feels like cotton candy._

Roy was falling asleep from Link sensei's teachings, much like he often did. He turned away and looked at Marth trying frantically to get the cloud out of his mouth.

"Ha! Serves you right!" cried the cloud, as it floated on it's merry way back to Cloudland. "LALALALALA!"

"Curse you, cloud…" Marth muttered. "I hate cotton candy…"

Roy gasped. "No way!"

Link's smarty stuff disappeared. "DUDE! You don't like cotton candy?!"

"HE'S INSANE!" cried Roy.

"VERY MUCH SO!" cried Link.

Marth raised an eyebrow and shrugged. He had a bad experience with it and didn't expect them to understand. It was an experience that would haunt him for the rest of his life…

Too bad no one really cared about Marth's cotton candy incident.

"LOOK! AFRICA'S FLOATING TO US!" shouted Roy, almost completely flipping in his parachute.

Marth clocked him in the head. "WE'RE floating to it, you Bac-O-Bit."

Link looked at Roy questioningly. "Roy, did you inhale Pixie Sticks today?"

The pyro spun left and right then stopped.

"No." he nodded. Link was confused.

As Roy nodded, a Pixie Stick wrapper fell out of his nonexistent pocket. Link gasped. The wrapper fell towards Africa and had now become part of the destruction of the ozone layer.

Roy looked up as if he were thinking of something, then looked back at Link with wide eyes. Link was frightened. He looked possessed. "Um, Roy? Are you---"

"PIXIE STICKS!" shrieked Roy as he grabbed a handful of the Pixie Sticks and threw them in the air. "RAIN CANDY! RAIN CANDY!"

The Hylian looked up in the air at the candy just as one fell back and hit him in the eye.

"Owies!" Then Link grabbed the Pixie Stick, peeled off some of the wrapper, and inhaled it up his nose. "THE PAIN!"

The evil redhead was now laughing manically as he threw candy into the air, occasionally chucking some at Marth. _Man, it's a looooong way down to Africa._ Marth thought to himself after being impaled by a Butterfinger.

"IIIIII WANT CAN-DY!" Roy and Link began to sing as they moonwalked in the air. "IIIIII WANT CAN-DY!"

"Gah, will you both shut up?!" Marth pleaded. It was almost landing time in Africa.

"MWAHAHAHA!" cried Roy. "BOW TO THE ALMIGHTY CHEEZ-IT!"

"BUT NOT BEFORE THE KING OF PENGUINS ZAPS THEM IN THE REAR WITH A BANANA!" Link shouted. The effects of inhaling Pixie Sticks were taking their toll.

The older swordsman sighed loudly. "Guys, we're almost---"

Roy threw his hands into the air. "All my brothers and sisters in the world unite!"

Link did the same. "Hallelujah, we are floating to the earth!"

"GUYS! Quit acting like priests and get yer butts in gear! We're almost down to Af---"

The other two swordsmen's arms interlocked as they began to sway back and forth. "We are the world… We are the children… We are the ones to make a brighter day so let's start givin'…"

Marth covered his eyes.

CRASH!

The swordsmen had landed (or floated, whichever) to the continent of Africa. They hadn't landed in a sandy desert, nor an angry tribe. They hadn't landed in a South African city or a major water resource…

Frightened birds flew out of the trees in groups, as well as many animals. There wasn't a sound to be heard except for the birds fading cawing and random forest animal noises. It was very peaceful as the light reflected off of every forest green.

Marth's eyes fluttered open slowly. He was facing upward, seeing nothing but different shades of green. Glancing around him, he saw that they had landed an African forest. The sky wasn't visible except through a few cracks between the trees' leaves that towered overhead. There were thin plant vines winding up almost every tree. Marth blinked.

The blue-haired swordsman turned over onto his stomach and looked down from where he was. He had landed in the trees' branches without his parachute. He looked at the ground and saw his parachute in front of the tree.

Phht. Some safety device.

Link's blue eyes opened quickly. He couldn't see anything! He was blind!

"Ah!" Link emitted a small cry as he flung his arms wildly. The blond had landed in a giant pile of leaves, grass, and a few plants that were covering him.

He stood up slowly and saw the world around him. The trees, the green, the plants…

"Ouchies…" he muttered, holding his head. His parachute fell off of him as he walked in front of an emerald green vine-covered tree and disappeared. "Wow, it's almost like camouflage…"

"OOK!"

Roy awakened sharply to the cry of an animal. He had landed on his parachute on his back. Looking around, he saw a deranged monkey on top of him, jumping like a weirded out baboon.

"What's your problem?" asked Roy to the monkey.

"OOK!" cried the monkey.

Roy nodded. "Yeah, I see your point."

"OOK!"

"Yeah, I can totally relate. The bananas really _weren't_ a good batch this year."

"OOK!"

"Whoa! … You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Marth had begun to look for the others. He climbed out of the tree and landed on the ground below with the loud crunching of leaves. He didn't know where to start.

"Roy? Link?" the prince looked behind trees and large mossy rocks to see where his buddies landed.

"Marth!"

Marth looked up suddenly at the sound of someone calling his name.

"Hey! Martha!"

Marth scowled and looked around. "Who the…"

"Over here, you nerd! At the tree!"

Marth looked around and saw the hundreds of trees around him.

"No… Nope… No, not that one… Nope…" the voice replied as Marth looked at every tree.

"Who are you?" Marth asked, still looking at trees.

"Cold… Cold… Cold… Arctic Circle… Cold…"

Marth punched an innocent tree. "Just tell me who you are already!"

"OUCH!" cried the tree.

"AHH!" the swordsmen almost fell backwards as the tree shouted at him. He walked up to it suspiciously. "You… Did the tree just…"

Link's face appeared from the tree right in front of Marth. "Boo."

Marth shrieked again at the sight of Link in front of the tree. Due to Link's green attire, he blended in quite well with the greenery around them. The blond walked towards Marth, who was now lying on the ground from the shock of it all. Link, now with a bloody nose, glared at him. "Wazzup?"

"… Dude, that guy on Sesame Street was Elmo, not a howler monkey."

"OOK!"

"Look. I'm tellin' ya, that was a guy with a puppet."

"OOK!"

"How does he control it? Well, y'see, he takes his hand and puts it--- Hey, look! It's Link and Marth!"

Link looked up and saw Roy walking towards them with a monkey on his head. Marth looked at him from the ground, tilting his head upwards and looking upside down.

"Hey, Roy!" Link waved. "Wazzzzzuuuup?"

Roy tilted his head to one side. "Huh?"

Marth stood up and brushed himself off. "Darn you, Link. You about gave me a heart attack."

"Aw, don't worry about it." Link dismissed the situation with his hand and walked over to Roy. "Awesome monkey. Does he have a name?"

"OOK!" cried the monkey as it grabbed Link's had and put it on. It covered it completely.

Roy replied, "HER name's Geraldine and she'd appreciate it if you didn't say otherwise."

"My hat!" cried Link as his medium-length golden blond hair fell, blinding the monkey. He snatched his hat back and quickly put it back on. "Thank you very much."

Geraldine, who was passed out on Roy's head, was revived and began playing with Roy's hair.

"Ouch." Roy replied quickly as Geraldine pulled at his hair. "Hey, Marth. Are you dead?"

Marth was leaning against a random tree. He was recovering from his near-death experience with Link. "Almost, but no. Where did you and that monkey come from?"

"Over there," Roy replied, pointing backwards. "Geraldine saved me from heading towards the light when I fell."

"Ah. Those lights can be very tricky." Link added. "One time, I saw one, and it was saying, 'Marry me, Link! Marry me!' So I thought, 'Hey, it sounds like a woman!' And I began to walk towards it and that evil fish Ruto was on the other side and I screamed and I shrieked and I died and I---"

Marth interrupted. "We get it."

"Now what?" asked Roy as Geraldine smacked him in the eye.

"Well…" Marth looked around and scratched his head. "I suppose the most reasonable thing to do is look for shelter until we find a way to get out of here."

Link put his hands on his sides. "What, you think we're just gonna find a hotel in the middle of an African forest or something? C'mon, Marth. Jeez. You're such a dummy sometimes."

Marth blinked. "Wow, Link. Just… wow. That's not what I mean, half-wit. We're going to have to make something for ourselves. And make it to last, because we'll probably be here awhile."

Link's eyes widened as he glared at Roy in disbelief. Roy shrugged as Geraldine did the same. He looked back at Marth. "Y-You mean… We're gonna have to survive… All alone? In a forest? _Alone_?"

"Pretty much."

Dropping to his knees, Link emitted a loud sobbing cry.

"Geez, Link. You should be used to it. How did you survive saving Zelda all this time without stuff?" Roy asked.

"Fed-Ex." Link sobbed.

Marth began to walk around and look for a good place to set something up. "Well, get used to it Link, because we don't have any other choice."

Link continued to sob on the ground. Roy, who didn't really care about the situation, petted Geraldine on the back and began to follow Marth. It was going to be a long trip.

---

Author's Notes: Yay! That was fun to write. I loved writing about the forest. So purdy…

Marth- Let's see how pretty you think it is when WE make you stranded there.

You wouldn't do that to me. …Would you?

Marth- Don't hold your breath.

Wow, a little moody today, are we?

Roy- He's just upset about his secretary.

Marth- Not true! How would you know, Roy?

Roy- Well… I may have… _seen_ her… once or twice.

Marth- You… You didn't…

Roy- ::runs off::

Marth- YOU LITTLE SNOT! ::pursues::

That was nice. Oh, just as a reminder for the young and impressionable, do **_NOT_** inhale Pixie Sticks. They're not good for your health and may cause you to spontaneously combust.

Link- Yes. Just eat a ton of them the normal way.

Exactly. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Keep on truckin'!


	3. How Not to Build A Shelter

Author's Notes: Whee! I'm updating! This is special because I didn't think I'd have much time to, due to School from Heck, of course. Then again, I have too much free time. Hm. I'm very cold.

Marth- Too bad no one cares.

So? Roy cares.

Roy- Uh… Do I have to answer that?

Great. That lowered my self-esteem.

80's Link- I CARE! KISS ME!

::shoves Mullet Link into a plot-hole:: YOU NERD! Anyways, I'm feeling very unusual now so I figured it would be the perfect time to write a chapter just for you guys.

Everyone- Awwwww!

You didn't mean that, did you?

Everyone- Nope!

I thought as much. Enjoy the chapter!

---

_Chapter… THREE! Haha, see what I did there? Heheh… Heh…_

---

Link was bug-eyed. "What?! You mean we each have to build our OWN stinkin' shelter?!"

"Yes." Marth nodded once. He began to walk off so he could get started on his own little shelter.

"B… Buh… But…" Link was speechless as the prince walked off, leaving him in the forest. His arms dropped to his sides. "Great. Now I'm alone."

"OOK!"

"Exactly! You're not alone, Link!" exclaimed Roy, who was playing Monkey In the Middle with Geraldine and a piece of tree bark. "You've got us!"

The blond Hylian thought about sharing a tent with a weirded-out monkey and a psycho redhead. He imagined Roy sending Geraldine on a manhunt in the middle of the night with a bunch of rampaging elephants. _Whoa… That would be kinda cool…_ thought Link.

Link began to walk off in the opposite direction.

"H-Hey! We're you going?" Roy stuttered, upon seeing Link walk off without him. Roy was alone in the small clearing of the forest. "Phht. Wasn't that nice."

"OOK!"

"I know, Geraldine. Leaving someone to support a man and a monkey ain't very responsible."

Meanwhile, Marth had gone off by himself.

"Geez. I hate trees." Marth muttered as he hacked a branch out of his way with Falchion. Well, look who's Mr. Rainy Day. "What are they good for? Getting in my way, that's what."

The swordsman hacked another branch, adding to the destruction of the ozone layer.

"OUCH!"

Marth stepped backwards in a defense pose. _What the…? More talking trees?!_ "Link, you moron! Get out of the tree!"

"Well! I never! I do say, I am not this 'Link' you are referring to." A deep bass voice replied from the heavens. Or somewhere.

Marth looked around, Falchion gripped in his hand. "Who… Who are you?"

Suddenly, there was a loud snapping noise. The ground seemed to vibrate slightly, as if something were coming out of the ground. Marth looked left to right, trying to find what was causing the earth beneath him to shake. Surely it wasn't an earthquake.

"EXCUSE ME!" cried the voice.

Marth gasped a bit and turned around. Looming over him with a dark-cast shadow was the biggest tree he had ever seen! It was freakish, of course, with facial features, such as a nose, eyes, and a mouth. It seemed to be grinning at him like a rabid baboon that had came in contact with Chemical X and was now out for revenge against three girls and their creator who---

"What in the world are you?!" cried Marth, preparing to cut the tree down to size.

"What does it look like? I'm an Ent, you ninny!" the tree boomed.

Marth was confused. "A what?"

"And _Ent_. A talking tree. Or, if you'd like, you can call me Bill. Whichever you prefer." The Ent, Bill, replied.

The blue-haired prince rubbed his blue eyes. "A talking… tree."

Bill leaned in close to Marth's flustered face. "Yes, a TALKING tree. You gotta problem with that?"

Marth shook his head.

"Good." Bill grinned. "Now if you'll just--- WHOA WHOA HEY NOW! WHAT IN THE NAME OF PHERAE DID YOU DO, MAN?!"

"What?" Marth shrugged.

Bill ran--- er, waddled over towards another tree not unlike himself. It was lying flat on the ground like it was dead or something. _Heh. Dead. _Marth laughed to himself nervously. _Like that was another one of those 'Ent' things. I mean, it's not like I killed a living thing… right?_

"SWEET NIGHT! YOU KILLED KENNY!"

Marth cringed. _… Or not._

The older swordsman walked over to where the overgrown tree stump was sobbing mercilessly over another. He stood next beside Bill and glared at the tree lying on the ground.

Bill sobbed. "I… I just can't believe it… I thought… I thought they were such… calm and peaceful creatures…"

Marth was getting tired of all the tree carnage. All he wanted was a place to sleep. "I'm afraid to ask. 'Creatures'?"

The crying tree looked down at Marth with disbelief. "Oh, _c'mon_. Don't tell me you don't even know your own kind."

"Excuse me?"

"LA LA LALA LA LA, LALA LA LA LALA!"

Marth looked around as Bill stood up, the deep green leaves on his branches stirring and crinkling together. He smiled widely. "Ah. Here they come."

"Here… _who_ comes?" asked the Altean. "This isn't a man-eating forest, is it?"

"Of course not!" Bill laughed. "It's just the ritual song that they sing!"

_Ritual song? Morons._ Marth complained to himself. The singing sounded like a bunch of chipmunks on drugs. Or worse…

"What a SMURFFY day!"

"Yes! It couldn't be SMURFFIER!"

Two voices could be heard from the ground below. Marth looked around and found that the voices came from two small blue… midgets. One-inch midgets.

"We've come to escort a fellow Smurf!" cried a little blue runt with owl-eyed glasses.

"A fellow what? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Marth commented, achieving a few death-glares from Ents and gasps from random Smurfs. He scowled at the heard of blue insects.

Bill patted him on the back, nearly knocking him over. "They've come to take you away!"

Marth choked. "What?!"

"I told you! Anytime there's a new Smurf in the forest, it's the tribe's job to recruit'em! I thought you'd know, being a Smurf an'all." Bill explained.

"A WHAT?!"

The largest Smurf spoke up. "It's not very often when a Smurf has a blue head and nothing else…"

"Maybe it was a chemical accident…" muttered another.

Marth turned and glared down at the small creatures. "Why you little…!"

The prince snapped and began to try and step on the group of small blue… things. But before he could, Bill the Ent wrapped a branch around Marth's waist and hoisted him upward.

"Now, now." Lectured Bill. "It's not nice to step on our fellow creatures, is it?"

"I'M NOT A SMURF!"

Marth kicked Bill with an enormous amount of force, causing Bill to shriek in agony.

"AGONY!"

The blue-haired prince took off into the forest as fast as his legs would let him. _Idiots! 'Smurfs'? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Bunch of insects on drugs, if you ask me!_

Marth returned to where the clearing where he and his fellow Smashers had landed. It was deserted. "They must have gone to look for shelter supplies. At least, that's what they'd better be doing…"

"HEY MARTH! LOOK WHAT I FOUND--- Whoops!"

Link ran into the clearing from the brush carrying a load of twigs, leaves, and vines. He tripped on a monkey and fell over.

"OOOOK!" screeched the monkey as it took off into the forest.

Link stood up and brushed himself off. Marth walked over to see what he found. "And this is for…?"

"A quilt!" the blond replied. "I'm knitting a quilt! The leaves are what I sew together with the vines! QUILT!"

"Be quiet, Link. I'm not deaf. What are the twigs for?" Marth asked reluctantly.

"… Um…" The Hero of Time thought for a moment. "I forgot."

Marth sighed heavily.

"OH! I remember. It was for the shelter or something. Yeah, that's it." Link shoved the twigs he had dropped onto the ground with his foot. "You can do something with'em."

"_Link._ We are trying to build a SHELTER. To LIVE in. _This_…" Marth picked up one of the twigs. "Isn't gonna cut it."

"It's all I could find." Link replied as he sat on a mossy rock and began to sew a quilt together for some reason or another.

"You mean to tell me you didn't find anything larger than a twig?" Marth asked flatly.

"Uh huh."

Marth through his arms in the air. "That's nice. That's just perfect. Not only will we freeze tonight, we'll get to sleep under those stupid trees. What a load of…"

"Freeze? In Africa?"

Roy came strutting into the clearing with Geraldine atop his head and carrying something his hand. Marth glared at him as Link smiled contently at the quilt he was knitting.

"And you have…?" Marth asked the younger swordsman.

Roy opened his hand and smiled. "Flower."

Marth glowered at the flower in Roy's hand. He walked over to the nearest tree, oddly the one he had landed in, sat down, and sobbed.

The redhead walked over to his comrade and sat beside him. He patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Marth. We can still build something. We have… MONKEY POWER!"

"OOK!"

"Wonderful." Mart muttered from under his hands.

Roy stood up and pointed towards the trees. "GO! GERALDINE! BUILD SOMETHING!"

"OOK!"

Geraldine leaped out of Roy's red hair and soared into the trees. All was silent except for a few random monkey screeches and the rustling of leaves. And Link's content humming as he knitted like a granny. But other than that, all was silent.

A few seconds later, Geraldine jumped from out of the woods and back onto Roy's head, dumping a pile of logs onto him.

"EEP!" cried Roy as he was buried in seventy-pound logs.

Marth stood up and began to create a search-and-rescue for Roy. He grabbed the logs and chucked them over to a spot near the tree. When he was finished, Roy lay passed out on the ground. Geraldine tried to snap Roy out of unconsciousness by hitting him repeatedly in the head with a twig.

Marth looked at the logs. "I guess we could try to make something out of this…"

"Hum, hum, hum! Hum-a-hum-a-hum! Hum, hum-a-hum, I'm humming--- NO! MY KNITTING!" shrieked Link as an arm from a frustrated swordsman grabbed him and dragged him to the logs. Geraldine dragged Roy over to where the other two swordsmen were standing and poked him hard with the twig.

"Ouchies!" Roy stood up suddenly. Geraldine jumped back onto his head. "Oh, hi. What are we doing?"

"OOK!"

"Ah… Nope, sorry, couldn't understand your accent that time. Can you repeat that?"

Marth intruded the conversation. "We're trying to build shelter, Roy. You and your monkey family there got us a bunch of logs. Now the question is, how do we make something out of this?"

Roy looked up at Geraldine. She shrugged. Link was standing in shock over the loss of his quilt.

"… Alright. This is going nowhere." Marth picked up a log and dropped it onto Roy's arms. "You carry this over the middle of the clearing and set it upright."

Roy grunted as he tried to carry the heavy log to the middle of the clearing. He was slowly losing power. "No! Loosing… upper… body… strength… Can't… carry… all the way…"

The pyro looked down and saw Geraldine lifting him up with her bare hands. She began to carry him to his spot. Roy was amazed. "Wow! Now that's one strong monkey! GERALDINE! YOU GO, GIRL!"

"OOK!"

"Okay, Link. Take this." Marth dropped two logs onto Link's arms.

Link almost fell over. "HEY! How come you only gave Roy one and you gave me two?! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

Marth grabbed a log and began to carry it himself. "Link, life's not fair. Live with it."

"But… But I… I CAN'T MOVE!"

Geraldine eventually managed to get every log to the middle of the clearing standing on end. With the help of her super unnatural monkey strength, of course. When she was done, she walked over to Roy and high-fived him.

"Yeah! You're amazing, Geraldine!" Roy shouted. "Is there anything you can't do?"

"OOK!"

"'Knitting'?"

Link's bright blue eyes widened. "MY KNITTING! NOOOOO!"

"Guys, quit playing with that monkey and get over here." Marth called for his fellow swordsmen. Geraldine threw a snail at his head. "AH! Stupid ape."

The three swordsmen began to slant the large logs towards the middle, creating a teepee-like structure. They stopped when it caved in three seconds after they had got it up.

"Curses," Marth muttered. "Alright! Pick up a log and make a giant box out of it!"

"But then we'll have no roof anyway!" Roy enlightened.

"I don't care! JUST DO IT!" Marth shouted, sounding like a spokesperson for Nike.

This attempt also failed when they had gotten the fourth log on and everything rolled off and collapsed. It was a hopeless attempt and failure.

Marth wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead. "Durn it all. Okay, guys. Plan 'C'."

Nighttime came fast in Africa. Or maybe it was just the swordsmen's luck. But whichever way, it was nighttime. The stars shone bright in the clear, deep blue-black sky. Of course, there were trees covering up most of the sky so it was hard to see the pretty stars anyway.

The swordsmen had eventually taken one of the smaller logs and draped Link's leaf quilt (which he gladly finished) over top of it. Then they had taken the stronger few of the twigs and jammed them into the corners of the quilt so it wouldn't come down or blow away. It looked exactly like a tent. Worse than a boyscout's first tent, but a tent nonetheless.

"I brought the other twigs." Marth set the pile of sticks outside the tent. The swordsmen were sitting outside, waiting to build a fire.

The blue-haired Altean began to go caveman on the twigs and started rubbing them together. "Stupid son of a…"

"Martha, Martha, Martha." Roy shook his head. "Are you really THAT dense?"

Marth glared at Roy.

Roy laughed nervously. "Um… What I mean is… I can do it."

"I'm sure you could. Then we could run willy-nilly through the forest and set all of Africa aflame!" Marth replied sarcastically. He created a spark, but it went out when Geraldine stepped on it. "You little Satan spawn of a monkey!"

Geraldine gave a little 'hmph!' and walked away, sticking her tongue out at the older swordsman.

Marth had gotten the fire started about five minutes afterwards. It was harder than it looked. The three were now sitting around the fire. Roy and Link were poking at it with sticks to keep it going, but mostly for their own amusement.

"I'm so hungry…" Roy groaned, rubbing his loudly grumbling stomach.

"Me too. Are you guys aware we barely ate anything since the first time we were on the airplane?" Link added. "That kind of thing only happens in fanfics and movies."

Roy looked at Link. "You ate all those crumbs from that evil house, remember?"

"And you ate that crud that Gertie gave you."

The redhead shuddered at the remembrance of the old woman who had tried to hold them hostage.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, Roy." Marth said, shifting the sticks in the fire. "I went through these woods a bit and the only kind of trees I found were those stupid Ents. We're in for the long haul, I'm afraid."

Roy groaned and let the twig drop into the fire. Things weren't looking up. He needed comfort. "Where's Geraldine?"

Geraldine appeared behind Roy and jumped back onto his head.

"What's with that monkey?" Link asked, poking Geraldine. "It's like it's some kind of mutant monkey from the Planet Blarg or something."

"OOK!"

"Hey now, what did I say about insultin' mah Geraldine?!" the redhead snapped.

Marth looked up. "Oh, so you two are a couple now?"

"Wow!" Link gasped. "When's the wedding?"

"Oh, shut up." Roy crossed his arms while Geraldine fell asleep in his hair. He was too tired and hungry to complain about anything.

"So…" Link broke the tension. "What do we do now?"

The Altean looked at the fire. "Wait until the morning, I assume. There's not much we can do right now."

The blond stood up and brushed himself off. "Well, I'm off to work on my knitting! G'night, all!"

Link ventured back inside their tent to work on his sewing skills. Marth, exhausted from his previous run-in with Ents and Smurfs, decided to turn in. He stood up. "You coming, Roy?"

The redhead had slumped into a ball on the ground near the fire. He didn't want to move. "Nooooo… I'm staying riiiiight heeeeere…"

Marth blinked. "… Alrighty then." He walked into the tent.

Link continued knitting on his mossy rock. "Knit one, pearl two… Knit one, pearl two… Man! Who knew knitting could be so exhilarating?"

---

Author's Notes: Whew, I had fun!

Marth- I'll bet you did. How dare you call me a Smurf!!

Don't worry, Marth. I don't really think you're a Smurf. It's just something I say to make my brother angry when we're playing SSBM. Don't take it personally.

Marth- Does _he_ say anything about Roy when you play?

… Come to think of it, no.

Roy- ::biiiiig smilies!::

Marth- Well, that's fair.

Marth, life's not fair. Live with it.

Marth- I hate it when you use my own words against me. ::leaves::

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It took me about three hours, give or take a few. Yeppers. I'll be sure to have another up sometime soon!

Roy- Remember! Save a tree, eat a beaver!

Aw, not the beavers…!

Link- Say goodbye, Neko.

Goodbye, Neko.


	4. Sweet Dreams

Author's Notes: ::singing:: Hello! Hello! Hello, Hello, HELLOOOOO---

Link- OH MY SNARF! SHE'S HIGH!

Roy- RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES!

Woohoo! Peppermint Patties ROCK! I just remembered I didn't respond to nearly ANY reviews! So I'm going to have a special reviewing disclaimer/pointless stuff section just for today for a few who asked questions or told me stuff or something.

Roy- ::imitating the guy from MXC:: Let's get it on!

**_Mallow-Chan_**: The Wand of Gamelon-thingy-mawhastsit Link? I know what you're talking about. That thing got THE worst game EVAR on that show on TechTV. How sad. AND SCARY! FRIGGIN' SCARY! Link would never eat an Octorok!

Link- Or would I?

And Marth IS a girly Smurf! How insightful of you!

Marth- Why… How dare you!

Aw, go play with Pan-Pan.

Marth- …!!

**_darkwarlord1992_**: You went to the hospital? I'm so sorry… I send my condolences. Those doctors can be pretty picky with their legal issues. And whether Smurfs attack anyone in blue… it all depends on what you believe… and if you truly believe in the little blue people…

PIXIE STICK! Moving on…

**_Daikonran_**: Which song? The Smurf song? I know lots of weird songs---

Roy- I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCO---

Okay. That's enough. Save it for American Idol. Hey, that's a good idea! An American Idol SSBM fic! ::imagines Captain Falcon singing Tina Turner:: … Okay, maybe not.

**_RavenGhost_**: POOR JAWS! I LOVED HIM SO! Ever since 'Finding Nemo' I've had a soft spot for all of God's sea creatures.

**_Bloody-Youkai_**: Your reviews aren't stupid, hon. **_I_** am stupid. Why? Because I think Godzilla is just a poor misunderstood lizard who had that disease that makes you grow abnormally tall. And I too envy Link. The last time I tried to knit it ended up being a bookmark.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! YOU'RE AWESOME, MAN!

SMURF GUTS! Whew, how exhilarating! That's enough of my rambling. Seriously, who read all that? Alright. Enough's enough.

---

_Chapter Four. Enough of that Spanish stuff._

---

_All was quiet. Too quiet. Not a sound could be heard as Marth wandered, lost deep in the African forests' depths. He didn't know where he was, of course. If he did, he wouldn't be lost. Common sense._

_He tore away at the vines that got in his way and threatened to trip him if he dare cross their path. These were very mean vines with a vengeance._

_'Marth… Marth…'_

_Marth looked around but saw nothing as the voice haunted him._

_'Marth… Follow me…'_

_"Follow you where?" Marth asked, sticking a vine._

_"EGUGH!" cried the dying vine._

_'Here… Follow my voice…'_

_The Altean, having cunning senses, followed the sound of the voice through the forest. He continued to swipe at the innocent plants, ignoring their cries of pain. But that's irrelevant to the story._

Marth stood up. It was almost morning, yet it was still very dark due to the trees hovering overhead. The older swordsman, his eyes closed, began to walk out of their dump of a shelter. He muttered something incoherent and wandered out into the clearing.

_'Listen to the sound of my voice, Marth… You are very close…'_

Marth continued walking. He started towards the rest of the forest away from the clearing, but not before stepping on sleeping Roy in the process.

"_Yes… I like chipmunks and… other assorted rodents…"_ Roy muttered in his sleep. The fire was slowly going out beside the pyro as Marth stepped on him. "_Yes… I want to buy the chipmunk--- _WAAAAH!"

The blue-haired swordsman began to walk into the forest, eyes halfway closed and unaware of the mass destruction he was causing. Roy sat up straight, only half awake, and started screaming.

"MARTH! YOU KILLED MY CHIPMUNK! I WAS GOING TO BUY IT FOR MY GRANDMA!" Roy shrieked, waving his arms around like a maniac. "YOU BIG DUMBO THING… YOU OWE ME… Another… chipmunk… hm…"

The redhead fell over as if he were in a coma and went back to sleep.

_'Yes… You are almost there… Just a few more steps…'_

_"I'm getting tired of you! Where are you leading me?!" Marth yelled at the voice._

_'All will be revealed in good time, my friend.'_

_Marth continued bravely through the forest, hacking away at the dying plants._

_"… AUGH!"_

_Hack._

_"OHH!"_

_Hack._

_"GUH…!"_

Marth swung his right arm wildly and continued to smack trees. He smacked an Ent in the nose.

"Ouch!" cried Bill as he held his throbbing nose. "Watch where you're going, Smurf reject! We don't like your kind here!"

The swordsman didn't care. He was sleepwalking. You just don't care when you're sleepwalking.

SMACK!

"OOOOOOOOOK!" cried Geraldine as Marth slapped her across the face and sent her flying into oblivion. Nothing was safe from Marth's sleepwalking rage.

_Congratulations, Marth. You've made it.'_

_Marth stared at his surroundings. "A circus tent? Why did you lead me here? … Hello? Voice? Why aren't you answering…?"_

_The prince looked around, but when he saw nothing, he decided to go ahead in. The lights from inside blinded him as he shielded his eyes. When his eyes got used to the sudden burst of light, he opened them and gasped loudly._

_"I… I'm on top… of…" Marth looked down from atop the trapeze. He had ended up on top of the stand._

_Marth, not being a big heights person, nearly fainted from the sight of the miniscule ants watching him from below. Really. They were ants. They were either ants the size of people or Marth was the size of an ant._

_"Mommy! Look at that human up there!" cried little Jimmy McAnt, pointing up at Marth._

_"Yes, it's extraordinary, isn't it, Jimmy?" the mother ant replied. "I think this is a good time to tell you… you were adopted."_

_Jimmy glared at his mother. "Adopted?"_

_The mother nodded. "Yes. Your father… He was a traveling trapeze fire ant. He went on the trapeze… and breathed fire. Yes, he was the talk of the town back in the days of yore…"_

_Yadda, yadda, yadda. _

_Marth gulped as he watched the ants cheer and eat large amounts of popcorn. It reminded him of a certain Disney movie…_

"Marth! What are you doing up there?"

"He must be trying to fly."

"Why would he do that? I thought he had more sense than the two of us put together."

"… Now why would you say something like that?"

Link had heard Roy's cries of emotional pain when Marth 'killed his chipmunk' and went to see what had happened. After waking Roy up (and facing his wrath of crankyness) Link and Roy followed Marth into the forest. Their older friend was now in a giant tree. He was standing on the end of a branch with a blank expression on his face.

Roy ran forward and shouted, "MARTH! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T JUMP! I REPEAT: DON'T! JUMP!"

Marth didn't care. He couldn't hear. … Or could he?

_"… I REPEAT: DON'T! JUMP!"_

_The Smasher heard someone shouting from below. He looked down and saw… Why, it was little Jimmy McAnt! He had tore away from the stands and was standing inside the circus ring._

_The ant continued to shout. "I KNOW YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT KILLING MY CHIPMUNK, BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!"_

_'What's he talking about?' thought Marth. 'I didn't kill any chipmunk in the last 48 hours…' He continued to watch as the any began to come near him. Little Jimmy began to climb the ladder that led to Marth._

_"Don't be a hero, Jimmy!" some random ant cried from the stands._

_"I have to!" shouted a determined little Jimmy. "I can't allow him to suffer the same fate as my father!"_

Roy tried to shimmy up the tree, but in vain. He got about five inches off the ground and fell in the bushes. "Drat!"

"Here, let me try!" Link reached behind him and pulled out of nowhere… "GO! WOVEN ROPE!"

Link swung his kitted rope made of vines and leaves behind him, then threw it forward towards Marth. It latched onto a branch just above him.

"Yes!" shouted Link in victory.

"OOK!" Geraldine soared through the air as the rope caught onto her. The monkey continued to fly. And all this happened within 1.325 seconds.

"No!" shouted Link as he began to sob. "WOVEN ROPE! I'LL MISS YOU! Waah…"

"My turn! Again!" Roy jumped out of the bushes and began to attempt to shimmy up the tree. He fell into poison ivy. "NOOO! GAAAH!"

_"I'll make it! Don't worry!"_

_Little Jimmy McAnt was trying desperately to reach Marth. Not that he realized there were STEPS up the side._

_"Just a few more seconds!"_

_Marth glared at the ant that was attempting to save his life. All of a sudden, he heard strange chattering…_

"LA LA LALA LA LA, LALA LA LA LALA!"

Link looked around. "What the…"

Roy was scratching himself uncontrollably. "Itch-itch-itch-itch-itchy…"

"Where is the Blue One?"

The Hylian looked downward. Before him stood a large group of blue creatures. _Wow! Are those aliens or did a Crayola box throw up?_

"What the shell are you? What 'Blue One'?" Link asked.

"The one with blue fur!" replied the leader.

"I'LL SAVE YOU, MARTH!" little Jimmy rammed himself into the stand, causing it to shake violently. "OOF!" 

Roy lay on the ground unconscious.

The group of blue Smurfs looked up and saw Marth in the tree. "There he is! That is the blue one!"

"That's nice." Link replied. He walked towards the tree, not watching where he was going.

"OOUGH!"

Squish.

Link stopped at the tree and looked at the bottom of his shoe. "… Ew, man, what's this blue crap all over my shoe?"

_"JIMMY! NOOOOOO!"_

_Marth's blue eyes went wide as he watched little Jimmy McAnt become trampled by a popcorn vender._

Link looked up at Marth in the tree. The swordsman appeared to be either shocked or very dazed, due to the fact his eyes were still half closed and his mouth was open slightly. Link wondered what went on in Marth's head sometimes.

"GAH! MURPHY! YOU STEPPED ON MURPHY, YOU BIG GALOOT!" shrieked the remaining Smurfs. They began to run in terror. "YOU WILL PAY, THAT YOU WILL! WE'LL SEND OUR STRONGEST MEMBER TO HUNT YOU DOWN FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIVES! WE WILL BURY YOOOOUUUU…!"

The Smurfs' cries of war faded into the distance as they disappeared into the forest. Roy awakened from his trip to Concussionville and attempted to stand up. He rubbed his head and looked around like a drunkard. "Wow… Hey, man, you've got some BIG ears, man…"

"'Scuse me?" Link muttered.

Roy narrowed his eyes at Link and laughed once. "Hah… Hey, there's a guy in a tree. Hi guy in a tree!"

_"… Hi guy on a trapeze! Like, peace out, man!"_

_Marth looked as a caterpillar with a tie-dye shirt and a giant, golden peace sign necklace crawled into the circus tent._

_"Who are you?" the blue-haired Altean shouted to him._

_"Like, who are any of us, man?" the hippie caterpillar replied. "But my earth name is Rainbow Peace Sunbeam. And you are?"_

_"Marth…" the swordsman replied warily._

_The caterpillar crawled over to the trapeze stand. He lowered his yellow tinted sunglasses. "Your earth name is Azure Miracle Unicorn."_

_"W-What?! No, it's---"_

_"Shh. The chi, dude. The _chi_." Rainbow Peace Sunbeam responded calmly. "Now… Open your eyes."_

_"But my eyes _are _open! What are you---"_

_The caterpillar cut him off. "Open your eyes."_

_"But---"_

_"Open… your eyes."_

_Marth closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again._

When he opened his eyes, Marth began to see his surroundings. "What… What am I doing up here? Where am I…?"

"… And I love you and you and you…"

"Roy! Shut up!"

"Hah! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're awesome, man. You just are."

Marth heard the slight echoing indistinct chatter of his fellow swordsmen below. Birds chirped happily and all was peaceful. There was no little Jimmy McAnt, no trapeze stand, and no circus tent. It was all just forest. He realized he was in a tree.

"Whoa!" The prince nearly fell as he grabbed ahold of the branch above him for support. "I'm in a tree? And it's morning already? Well… Where's the circus?"

"Hey! Look! The guy in the tree's alive, man. That's just wonderful." Roy's voice echoed as he was sitting against a rock.

"Lights out, Roy." Link clobbered the young teen with a piece of bark. Roy fell unconscious.

Marth looked to the ground. "Huh? Link?"

"MARTH! Wassup?" Link waved.

"Um… I am…?"

The blond began to walk towards the tree. "Why were you in that tree? Didn't you hear us calling you?"

"Calling me?" Marth was utterly confused. He didn't know what was going on and decided to climb out of the tree.

When he had climbed a ways and jumped to the ground, he rubbed his head in confusion. _Was all that a dream? If it was, why am I in a… Oh no._

"Huh? Marth? What's the matter?" asked Link.

"I didn't… Did I sleepwalk by any chance?"

"I guess so. I heard Roy shrieking last night about you killing his chipmunk and decided to see what was going on. We followed you to this tree thingy and---"

Roy wobbled over to the other two swordsmen. "Wow. That's some piece of bark. Oh, hey Marth. Are you done sleepwalking now? I hope so. Heh! You shoulda seen your face! Man…!"

Marth's face flushed light crimson. "Right. Let's go back to the tent."

The three Smashers began to travel back to the clearing.

"… And I was like, 'Whoa, where's his mind at?' Link thought so too. So we tried to get you outta the tree and…"

"… And the Smurfs were like, 'Bow to us!' and all that. Then me and Roy were thinking… Well, Roy wasn't thinking too much since he had a concussion and all…"

"… Then I fell into the poison ivy and got all itchy…"

"… And then I heard a 'SQUISH!' and I…"

Marth sighed deeply. Apparently he had missed a lot while he was at the circus. But the constant jabbering of two stories gave him a big enough headache so he didn't have to ponder on the irony of it all.

---

Author's Notes:

Marth- You've killed me. Arrow right through the heart.

Oh, don't be such a drama queen.

Marth- ::eye twitches::

Writing this chapter was uber fun. Marth has the weirdest mind I've ever seen. Would going into Roy's or Link's mind been any better?

Readers- NO! DON'T DO IT!

Roy- ::petting Geraldine:: Yes, evil monkey… We are the masters of the universe…

Well, that's chapter four for ya. I've got to go stay up very late now and watch re-runs of Case Closed. ::eye twitches:: Re… runs…

Conan- Re-runs of detective shows have been known to cause uber mind warps caused by already knowing how the murder and/or case ends. This causes depression in the species due to the suspense being taken away and the ending being spoiled. The species then wishes for the channel to show new episodes because starting it all over when the season ends isn't always the nicest thing to do and…

Roy- MAKE IT STOP! MY HEAD HURTS!

Everybody halt or I'll sic Geraldine on ya'll. Have a great day/night, everyone! And remember: DON'T! GET! ELIMINATED!

Marth- That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.


	5. Roy's Flashback

Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated for such a long time! Terribly sorry. School's taken up nearly my whole life, I've been spending too much time on fanart and music, I got detention, yadda, yadda, sob story, yadda. I wish it were still summer so I could update more. ::sheds a single tear::

Marth- Somehow I think everyone managed to go on without you for a week.

Gee, thanks.

::Marth's Experience Points Went up! NekoRaven's Confidence Went Down!::

Marth- Score!

That wasn't funny at all.

Marth- Yes, but I thought I should rub it in a bit more. … Don't you have some TV to watch or something?

No. 'Wife Swap' isn't on tonight.

Marth- … ::sigh::

::wants to lighten the mood:: LINK… Has come to town! COME TO SAVE… The Princess Zelda! Ganon took her away! And now the children don't play! But they will! When Link saves the day! HALLELUJAH! Now Link… Fill up your hearts! So you can shoot… your sword with power! And when you're feeling all down! The fairy will come around! So you'll be brave! And not a sissy coward!

Link- . 

Now Link… Has saved the day! Put Ganon… In his grave! So now Zelda is free! And now our hero shall be! LINK! I think your-name-will-go-down-into-HIS-TOR-Y!!

Link- That was special.

That it was. STARTING CHAPTER!

---

_Chapter… Five, was it?_

---

"… And then I felt this strange sensation… More like a tingling. Then I realized it was tree bark and I began to feel woozy…"

"… 'YOU WILL PAY!' Jeez, the little freaks started yelling at me just because I stepped in blue randomly placed blue bubblegum substance…"

"… Then I said, 'Yes I would like to ride on the Magic Carpet with you, Goofy!' So we took off out of the Mystic Ruins and…"

Marth cut the two younger swordsmen off. "I get it already! Now… I'm begging you. Will you please just SHUT YOUR YAMMERIN' SKULL CAVES?!"

Roy and Link's mouths both shut simultaneously. Poor Marth hadn't had he's weekly therapy for a very long time now. They knew that getting on the cobalt-haired swordsman's nerves was the last thing they wanted to do.

It was now mid-morning; the skies (where they could be seen) were now turning from a deep navy to a light blue quickly. There were a few wispy clouds in the sky, but no sign of rain. Though it wasn't scorching and they were in a forest, it was still Africa. There was still that good ol'fashioned African heat lingering in the air.

"I suppose we should start thinking about what we should do to get rescued," Marth thought out loud. "Do you guys have any ideas?"

Link and Roy glared at their comrade.

The older swordsman sighed. "Right. What was I thinking?"

There was a short silence that lasted around fifteen seconds. The fire had already gone out and Roy was stirring the ashes with a twig. Geraldine, seeing her friends' depressed look, decided to help by grabbing another twig and doing the same.

Link walked over to Roy and put his arm around his shoulders. "It's dead, Roy. Time to move on."

Roy didn't take his eyes off of the fires' dead ashes. "I know, but… I miss him so much…"

Geraldine cried monkey tears.

Marth, who was watching the whole soap opera from the log he sat on, shook his head. He sighed hopelessly and put is head in his hands. _This isn't going well_, he thought. _There's got to be more we can do than just sit here. You'd think they'd be looking for us…_

All of a sudden, the three Smashers heard a noise coming from within the bushes. It sounded bleak and desolate, like a chant of some kind.

"What in the world…?" Marth muttered as he turned to look at the rustling bushes.

"_La… La… Lala… Lalala… lalala…"_

The Pheraen stood up and yelled to bushes. "Who the heck's in the bushes? Show yourself! And quit singing Darth Vader's theme!"

The bushes rustled once more and tiny figures in a group appeared. They were wearing black robes with hoods that covered their faces, making themselves look like mini Grim Reapers.

"Ooh. Spooky." Link muttered to himself. "And yet, somewhat odd."

A tiny figure emerged from the group with a small gong in its hand. It raised the mallet and with a swift, soft swing, hit the gong. The gong emitted a short vibrating noise.

"We have come for you." The leader of the group replied.

"Not this again! I thought I told you freaks to get lost!" Marth shouted.

A small black-robed Smurf in the group spoke up. "Well, we did, but then we got back on track."

The three swordsmen blinked.

The leader cleared his throat. "Right. _Ahem_. Back to business. We have come to find the one who has terrorized our home and our people. The one who has walked all over us (literally) and who has flooded our towns! The one who has caused mass destruction all over this land!"

The three swordsmen blinked again.

"Look, I told you poor excuses for Play-Doh that I wasn't going to join your little 'tribe'. And I'm not going to tell you again!" Marth yelled.

"Not Blue One." The leader spoke. "Red One."

Marth cocked his head to one side. "'Red One'?"

All Smurfs nodded angrily. Marth and Link turned around and glared at Roy. The pyro looked all around. "What?"

"What did you do to them?!" Marth stomped over to Roy and yelled in his face.

The general stuttered. "Wh-What are you talking about?"

"You _stepped_ on'em?!" Link shrieked and crossed his arms in disgust. "_I_ would _never_ do something so cruel."

"But I didn't…"

Marth turned back to the Smurfs and began to walk towards them. "Wait a minute, you guys have no proof of this."

"Yeah! You heard him! You have no---" Roy walked over beside Marth and stopped when the leader held up a red hair. "… Ooh."

The prince faced Roy and crossed his arms. "Well?"

"I-I-I didn't… That's yours!"

"Not unless I became a redhead between now and time we were in the United States. Get over it, Roy. Now just tell them what you did." Marth ordered flatly.

The Hero of Time walked over and joined the party. "Yeah. Maybe they'll let you go quietly."

Roy thought for a moment. _I don't remember seeing any little blue woodland creatures I terrorized recently… I wonder…_

-_ROY'S FLASHBACK!_-

The pyro was walking around the forest with Geraldine on his head, looking for twigs. He wandered all around the brush and trees when something caught his eye.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Look at that, Geraldine! It's a stream! I'll bet you're thirsty."

Roy wandered over to the stream and set Geraldine down beside it. The monkey walked up to the stream and bent down to sniff it. She immediately closed her eyes, crossed her arms, and gave a little 'Hmph!'

Roy blinked. "What's the matter?"

Geraldine emitted some monkey chatter.

"What? You say you only drink water from a silver platter?" Roy asked. He listened to another second of monkey chatter. "… You say someone hand feeds you and everything? You've never touched water with your own hands? Wow. What a picky monkey you are. Well…"

Looking around for a conveniently placed silver platter, Roy spotted something just as good. He strolled over towards a nice curved leaf that could hold water easily. He picked it up and scooped some water into it.

Meanwhile, the Smurf clan was wandering around their small village near the stream.

"Look Blue Leader!" a Smurf with binoculars hanging around his neck exclaimed from the lookout tower. "Someone's at the stream!"

The leader peered through the binoculars, chocking the lookout Smurf with the string. "Ah, I see. Thank you, Delta Delta Bravo. I shall send Delta Tango Bravo out immediately."

"Right… Yes… I understand sir. I'll smurf it out right away." Delta Tango Bravo, or DTB, had gotten his call over the walkie-talkie. He put on his sunglasses and black leather jacket. "Let's rock."

The Smurf ran over to where Roy was scooping water and watched him from afar. He got closer and closer to the subject as he muttered to Blue Leader over the walkie-talkie. "Blue Leader, this is Delta Tango Bravo, over."

"_This is Blue Leader. What do you have to report, over?_" the walkie-talkie replied.

DTB continued to get closer to Roy. "Suspect seems to be smurfing water from the stream, sir. Seems to have a strange, furry animal with it, over."

"_Does the suspect have blue fur, over?_"

"No, sir. Over."

_"Then he is not one of us. Take him down, over._"

DTB nodded and put away his walkie-talkie. "Finally… My chance to shine! My chance to save all Smurfdom from this smurfy smurf smurfer!"

The brave little Smurf ran over to Roy and got ready. He was gonna set this guy straight! He was gonna save the world!

"Um… Excuse me, smurf." DTB looked sheepishly at the ground. "You need to leave the area beca--- UWAAAAGH!"

All the water Roy had scooped in his growing collection of leaves suddenly fell over. The small trickles of water glided to the ground…

Roy looked down at his collection. "Drat."

… But to the Smurfs, a huge tidlewave of water gushed from above and began sweeping through the village.

"EIIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked frightened Smurfs as they ran around frantically through the streets of Smurfville.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! THE END IS NEAR! IT'S OVER!" screamed some pessimistic Smurfs as they were soon swept away by the water's wrath.

Roy's ears perked up when he began to hear tiny noises all of a sudden. He stood up. "What's that noise? Geraldine? Did you say something? … Geraldine?"

Geraldine had seen the small village of Smurfville and had an urge to have some fun. She stomped loudly through the streets and growled loudly. "RAAAWWRR!"

The monkey looked down at a frightened girl Smurf with a flower in her hair. Geraldine grinned and picked up the girl.

"NOOOOO!" the Smurf shrieked. "HELP ME! HELP!"

Geraldine began to climb the lookout tower, girl Smurf in hand.

"Sierra Kilo Tango, this is Delta Delta Bravo. We're goin' in." A Smurf replied from the jet plane at the Smurf International Air Force.

Geraldine was foaming at the mouth as she saw a small object flying through the sky towards her. She didn't like this and swatted at it. "RAWR!"

"MAYDAY! MAYDAY! THIS IS DELTA DELTA---" Before the Smurf could finish, he was ejected from his seat and floated back down the flood in a parachute.

"EEEEE! SOMEBODY HELP!!" the girl Smurf screamed again. "For the love of cheese! Someone get their smurfing lazy rear of the smurfin' couch and SAVE ME!!!"

Roy looked over to his left. "Oh, there you are, Geraldine!"

Geraldine immediately dropped the Smurf and ran over to Roy with innocent eyes.

"EEEIEEEEEE!" The Smurf was falling to her doom until she landed on a conveniently placed water tube. She floated down the flood and watched all the other Smurfs wash quickly downstream. "Wow."

"Hey, monkey!" Roy exclaimed as Geraldine jumped back onto his head. "Ready to go back?"

"OOK!"

"Alright." The Pheraen began to walk back to the clearing. "Sorry about the water, by the way. I got tired of dropping it all."

Roy and Geraldine were soon out of sight walking back to the clearing while all of Smurfville became a living smurf.

-_END ROY'S FLASHBACK!-_

_Huh._ Roy thought to himself then replied aloud, "Nope. Don't remember anything."

"You know what you did!" the Smurf leader pointed at Roy. "Confess your sins!"

Roy raised an eyebrow at the Smurf. "My sins?"

Marth looked down at the Smurfs and tried to reason with them. "Listen, you puny pieces of cotton candy bubblegum. He says he doesn't remember anything. Perhaps it was someone else who wrecked your town?"

The Smurfs got into a huddle and discussed it for themselves. Then they turned back to the three swordsmen and replied gruffly, "No. He's the one."

Roy bent down to the Smurfs. "Hey, I don't take orders from blue boogers. So I suggest you go back to whatever cave you came out of and leave me the smurf alone!"

The Smurfs gasped. "Did you hear that?"

"Yes! I can't believe it!"

"What a potty mouth!"

"Someone should clean your mouth with soap, young man!"

"Shut up, Roy. You're making it worse." Marth shoved Roy off to the side.

The Smurf leader began to pick lint off of his robe. "No one else has came to this peaceful African forest since Smurfville was in business until YOU three came along. We know it was you who killed our town, Red One. We're always watching. Always."

Roy began to freak out at the insane Smurf's tone and slunk behind Link.

"Is that so?" Marth replied.

"Yes." The Smurf leader answered. "Beware… By noontime it comes. It will terrorize you as you have terrorized us."

The blond Hylian spoke up. "Isn't that the Golden Rule?"

The leader continued. "… Beware noontime. Noontime…"

All of the Smurfs began to fade back into the bushes quietly. There was a stunned silence. The swordsmen stared at the spot where the Smurfs had stood. The wind blew through the foliage. Link sneezed. Geraldine picked her nose.

"Well, that was fun!" Roy stretched and began to walk back to the tent.

"Where do you think you're going, Red One?" Marth asked.

Roy glanced behind him. "Huh?"

"You got us into this mess by trashing their village. Don't think we're going to let you off _that_ easy."

Link nodded. "Yeah, and what did they mean by 'beware noontime'?"

The redhead threw his arms in the air. "How the heck am I supposed to know?!"

Marth decided to drop the subject for the moment and followed the other two arguing swordsmen back to the tent. Suddenly, he thought he felt the ground shake slightly. _What was that, _Marth asked in his mind. He stopped and looked back. No shaking occurred. _Hm. Probably just my imagination_.

---

Author's Notes: Yes, I finally got it done. I'm serious; I do have to quit doing these things at night.

Roy- It doesn't matter as long as you have a bunch of Peppermint Patties with you!

… I ate them all a few weeks ago.

Roy- NOOOOOO!

Anyway, that was chapter five for you. I don't have much to say except karate hamsters rule. You know, the ones that spin their little paws around with nun chucks and sing 'Everybody wants kung fu fighting! WAA! HYAAH!'

Link- NO MORE SINGING!

Marth- Seriously. Just end this thing.

Well, _fine._ Sayonara, goodnight, good evening, good afternoon, good morning, good---

Roy- END!


	6. Chapter Six: THE MUSICAL!

Author's Notes: What's up?

Roy- What's down? What's left? What's to the corner of your right eye?

… Exactly. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews you've given me so far. You guys rock. You just do. ::hands out cookies::

Marth- I'm surprised they've actually stuck with you this far.

Will everyone stop interrupting?! For cryin' out--- That's it! It's time for something different!

Link- ::worried:: How different, exactly?

I see Broadway… Flashing lights… Big crowds… I see big musical numbers, people! I see STARS! It's time for 'Surviving Africa Chapter Six: The Musical'!

Link- NOOOOO!

Marth- Are you insane?!

Roy- Yes… YES! FINALLY!

Yes! I AM INSANE! Proud of it, dagnabbit! No time for stalling! Quick, Roy! To the Music-Mobile!

Roy- AHAHAHA! ::runs off::

Marth- I hate you all.

French Announcer- For disclaimer references, NekoRaven has nothing against any songs that are included in this chapter. All songs used are for parodying purposes only and we ask that no one files a lawsuit against us or the site. That would really stink. All songs included are respected property of their copywrited owners. Not us, all right? Get off my back.

How… blatant. The songs will be written in a different way than the rest of the chapter. And it will only be used for the songs so you know when everyone is just speaking and being weird. Just so no one gets confused. Always thinking of the people, you know. The costumer is always right. The people are always--- ::is cut off::

---

Chapter Six: The Musical 

---

After the dispute with the blue ones, Marth, Link, and Roy retreated back to where they had set up camp. It was now around nine o'clock, but of course they didn't know that. It was like they had been thrown into the 'Flintstones' with no technology and annoying birds that followed them anywhere saying bits of nonsense. Or maybe more like 'Gilligan's Island'. Neither the ground shaking nor the slight noise Marth could have sworn he heard never reappeared, much to his surprise. He shrugged it off.

The swordsmen were now sitting in the clearing once again. Link had begun knitting a ski hat for Geraldine, as the monkey became the slave driver that made him do it.

"OOK!" cried Geraldine as she ordered Link to add another color.

Link wiped sweat off his forehead. "I'm going as fast as I can! Believe me, master!"

Marth was glaring at Roy, who was trying to get the fire lit the caveman way. The Pheraen was singing to himself while shouting 'Live, darn you! LIVE!' every ten seconds. _Ah, the primitive instincts are taking over._ Marth thought hopelessly to himself as he watched Roy. _Soon we will be consumed by it and we'd be perfect cosplay material for the 'Flintstones' convention_.

"_Gilligan… The skipper too… The millionaire… and his wife… The movie star… And the rest…_" Roy was turning the twig quickly where the fire once was, singing. "Hey, has anyone every noticed that 'the rest' was just Mary Ann? I mean, come on! She wasn't even in the theme song the first half of the season! How hard could it be just to add one more name? A-duh!"

No one really cared and ignored the teen.

"No, Geraldine! NO! NOT THE WHIP!" Link cried as Geraldine lifted a rope of grass tied together and brought it down onto Link's head. "NOOOO! GUH!"

Surely Geraldine was the greatest evil monkey mastermind of them all.

Time passed quickly and Roy had lost interest in the fire and wandered off, Link was driven to tears by Geraldine's evil grass whip, and Marth had passed out on the ground.

Link, struggling to regain his strength, crawled over to where Marth was sleeping and asked, "Marth? Marth…? Hey MARTHA!"

The older swordsman was awakened roughly. "WHAT?!"

"Look around." Link ordered Marth.

Marth did as he was told, then turned back to Link. "Why did you wake me up? Is something wrong?"

Link stood up slowly. _Oh no, what's he doing…?_ Marth questioned himself and moved away from Link a bit.

The Hylian took a deep breath as rapid piano music began to play to the tune of 'The Hairbrush Song' from Veggietales. Marth was frightened by the sudden burst of music and looked around frantically as Link began to actually _sing_…

Link: (begins to sing at a rapid pace)

_Oh where… the heck is Roy?_

_Oh where… the heck is Roy?_

_(increasing in volume) Oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where OH WHERE OH WHERRREEEE…!_

Marth cringed.

Link:

_… the heck is Roy?_

The music ended on a few simple piano notes.

Marth was panicking. "What the heck was that?!"

"What was what?" Link asked. Marth gasped. "Anyway, do you know where the heck Roy is? He was here a minute ago…"

The blue-haired swordsman's mouth dropped open. "N-No, I… don't…"

"Hm. Guess I'll have to go look for him, then. Who knows what havoc he'll wreak if we leave him out there." Link began to walk towards the brush. "If anyone's going to be doing any havoc wreaking it's gonna be ME!"

The blond disappeared out of sight. Marth watched the forest for a long time, eyes wide with fear.

--

"… 'Roy, do this!' 'Roy, do that!' Sheesh. What lazy wimps. Die, brush!" Roy yelled and chopped the green, living things that give us the oxygen we need to survive in half. He had managed his way deep into the forest after his boredom got the better of him. "Die, vines! YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY WAY!"

Suddenly, a high-pitched preschool children's special voice cried out from the brush.

"No! Please! Spare me, sir!"

"What the---?" The Pheraen looked around in shock, but saw no one. Why were they always running into random voices from an infinite abyss…?

The voice cried out again. "I promise that if you spare me, I'll give you three wishes!"

_Three wishes?_ Thought Roy. _Heheh…_

"… And don't even THINK about wishing for more wishes!"

_Drat!_ Roy thought about this for a moment. He was enraged with anger at the moment and didn't feel like dealing with some poor, neglected woodland creature. So he came up with a simple answer. "Alright: One, go away. Two, go away. Three… GO AWAY!"

A small white bunny jumped out of the bush. "EEP! Right away, sir!" And with that, the bunny was gone.

"GAH!" Roy shrieked, his temper rising to an all-time high. "STUPID VOICES FROM AN INFINITE ABYSS! WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE… ME… ALOOOOONE?!"

With a loud battle cry of rage, Roy chucked the Sword of Seals into the air.

"AUUUGH!"

Roy stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of something in pain. He turned around and looked about twelve feet away from him. There, standing twelve feet away, was a burning tree. … No, it wasn't just a tree…

"Oh, Elimine…" Roy said under his breath as he ventured towards the burning object.

It was then that woodland creatures began to appear out of the forest and gasped in shock. "He… He killed Master Ent…"

The redheaded Pheraen fell to his knees. "What… W-What have I done?"

A skunk ran up to Roy on all fours and stared at the Ent. "I can't believe you just…" Roy scooted a few inches away from the stunned skunk. Just to be safe.

Now the woodland creatures began to crowd closer to Roy. They were stunned in shock as the muttered and gossiped about Master Ent's killer, muttering phrases such as, 'Poor Master Ent!' 'That wicked child!' 'Save the African forests!' 'Live free or die!' and 'He should be put on trial!'

All of a sudden, Roy felt the urge. No, not to Herbal. But he felt like he needed to sing. It was the same feeling that came over him when he was onstage. As if Africa was psychic, a piano began to play sadly, softly, and very gentle. Roy, still on his knees, looked up sorrowfully at the sky. Or rather, the trees _blocking_ the sky.

Roy:

_Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?_

_Stranded in Africa_

_No escape from reality_

_Open your eyes_

_Look up at the sky that can't be seen…_

_I'm just a bad boy…_

_I need some sympathy!_

(Woodland creatures join in and harmonize as Roy stands up, realizing he's in big trouble with the creatures of the forest. He decides to use this 'Bohemian Rhapsody' song by Queen as an opportunity to escape.)

_Because I'm easy come, easy go_

_Little high, little low_

_Any way the wind blows_

_Doesn't really matter to me…_

_To me_

Roy: (by himself again)

_Mama…_

_Just killed an Ent_

_Threw my sword up in the air_

_It fell down from way up there_

_Mama…_

_Its life had just begun…_

"Actually, he's been living for quite awhile," interrupted a random chipmunk.

"QUIET! This is my moment!" Roy snapped and continued.

_… But the sword came down and burned it all away_

_Mama, ooo-oo-oo-oooo…_

_Didn't mean to hit this guy!_

(a bit nervously) _I think everyone should flee the scene right now…_

(starts 'shoo-ing' away the woodland creatures back into the forest)

_Carry on, carry on_

_As if this incident never happened…_

"Heheh…" Roy laughed nervously. He was continuing to shoo the animals away in an attempt to avoid any legal trouble. "That's right, nothin' to see here! Carry on about your business!"

All of a sudden, a dark shadow loomed overhead. As the animals stopped halfway into the forest, the turned around to look at the sight. Roy looked upward, just in time to see the largest tree… _Ent_… he had ever seen. He could feel its cold, angry breath come over him like he was in Antarctica instead. The swordsman backed up a bit and gasped, as did the animals.

It was the spirit of Master Ent… and it wanted revenge.

Roy:

(very nervously) _Too late!_

_M-My time has come!_

_Send shivers down my spine_

_Body's gonna ache all the time_

(starts to back away slowly in a silent attempt to escape)

_Goodbye everybody_

_I've got to go!_

_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth…_

_Mama, ooo-oo-oo-oooo…_

A few killus maximus monkeys (including Geraldine) show up in flashy outfits, ready to provide backup.

Backup Singers:

_Any way the wind blows…_

Roy:

(trying not to make it too obvious he's begging) _I don't wanna die!_

(slaps forehead and mumbles, 'Stupid!') _Right now I wish I'd never been born at all…_

The music tempo picked up and became light and happier. The spirit of Master Ent became closer to Roy, still hovering over him, glaring at him like he was a lion's prey.

"Heheh." Roy looked up at the Ent. "Hey there, big guy…"

Roy:

(tries to distract the spirit by… dancing and using big words)

_I see a little silhouetto of a man!_

_Scar-a-mouche, Scar-a-mouche_

_Will you do the fandango?_

The spirit watched in confusion and commanded thunder and lightning to strike fear into the heart of his enemy. Roy jumped ten feet in the air and resumed his solo.

_Thunderbolt and lightning_

_Very, very frightening me!_

(in his 'famous' soprano voice) _GALILEO!_

Backup Singers and Animals:

_Galileo!_

Roy:

_GALILEO!_

Backup Singers and Animals:

_Galileo!_

Roy:

_Galileo_

_Figaro,_

Roy and Backup Singers:

_Magnifico!_

The music takes a very short break as Roy grins nervously at the Ent spirit. "Eh? Eh?"

The spirit is very confused and wonders if the boy needs mental help.

Roy:

(angry his 'act like an idiot to scare him off' tactic didn't work) _I'm just a poor boy!_

_Nobody loves me!_

Backup Singers:

_He's just a poor boy_

_From a poor family!_

"POOR family?!" Eliwood cried from some random spot in Pherae. No one cared and the Backup Singer's continued.

Backup Singers:

(all point at the Master Ent spirit) …_ Spare him his life from this monstrosity!_

Roy's eyes became extremely wide as he gasped at the last line.

"Whoops!" all the Backup Singers chorused at once. They ran back to join the rest of the animals watching from the sidelines.

Master Ent, after just being killed and then being called a 'monstrosity', didn't like this. He flashed evil demon teeth and growled loudly. Roy emitted a loud 'EEP!' as a giant, rooted hand of Master Ent spirit reached for the redhead and began to pull him in.

Roy:

AAHHH!

(thinking about his life) _Easy come, easy go!_

_WILL YOU LET ME GO?!_

Ent Spirit:

_Bismillah!_

Animals:

_No!_

Ent Spirit:

_I will not let you go!_

Animals:

_Let him go!_

Ent Spirit:

_Bismillah!_

_I will not let you go!_

Neko:

(jumps out from the forest, looking wild with rage and stands in front of the Ent Spirit)

_LET'IM GO!!_

Roy shrieked.

Ent Spirit:

_Bismillah!_

_I will not let you go!_

Neko tried to kick the Ent, but missed and fell over. 'Cause he's a spirit. He's see-through. Tough luck.

Roy:

_LET ME GO!_

Ent:

_Will not let you go!_

Roy:

(panicking) _LET ME GO!!!_

Ent:

_Will not let you go!_

Roy:

_Let me go…!_

Roy, Backup Singers, Neko:

_Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_

_Oh, Mama mia, Mama mia, Mama mia!_

Roy:

_LET ME GO!_

Master Ent's spirit was showing no sign of letting Roy go. The animals, once angry with Roy for murdering their trusted leader, were now fearful for the teen. Too bad they were too small and insignificant to do anything. Roy knew this and was ready to belt out is sorrowful (yet overdramatic) solo while the spirit continued to pull him towards the Dark Side.

Roy: (way too overdramatic)

_BEELLLL-ZEBUB HAS A DEVIL PUT ASIDE FOR ME!!_

_For me_

(soprano voice) _FOR MEEEE…!!_

All of a sudden, a giant yell of 'WOOCHICKACHICKACHICKA!' filled the air.

"INCOMING!" Roy shouted and ducked as the rare Africanus Battlecryus Flying Squirrel performed a perfect roundhouse kick. Surprisingly, it collided with the spirit's… eye.

"GRAAAARRGH!" cried Master Ent as he began to shrink. "I'm melting! I'm melllltinnnnggg! AAAAaaaahh…!"

Pop.

There was a short silence as Roy's eyes widened. The spirit was gone! The little squirrel defeated it! "I'm free… I'm… free… HOLY SNICKERS! I'm FREEEE!"

The swordsman began to breakdance on the ground until a random creature threw am acorn at him. It hit him in the head with a slight 'clunk!'

"Hello there, Roy! Remember _meeee_?" Neko walked over to Roy and looked deep into his blue eyes.

The theme from 'Psyco' played shortly as Roy became frightened. But he had no time for this! His musical number was almost over! He jumped up, grabbed the Sword of Seals, and shoved Neko into the forest. "GRAND FINALE!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Neko's screams faded as she flew off into the infinite abyss that was Africa. Darn.

All the animals crowded behind Roy as they glared at the place where the evil spirit had once stood. Roy grinned and continued his song, the animals providing backup when necessary.

Roy:

_So you thought you could capture me and spit in my eye!_

_So you thought you could squish me and leave me to die!_

(shouting to the Heavens) _Oh, BA-BY!_

_Can't do that to me BA-BY!_

_Just gotta get out!_

_Just gotta get right out-ta he-re!_

_Oooooh…_

_Oo yeah!_

_Oo yeah!_

(music begins to slow a bit)

_Nothing really matters_

_Any one can see_

_Nothing really matters…_

_Nothing really matters to me!_

_Any-way the wind blows…_

Roy's big break ended as all the animals cheered.

"Ahahaha! I knew I could defeat that stupid tree!" cried the teen.

The karate flying squirrel stood up. "Nuh-uh! _I_ defeated the spirit! We are animals! We're connected with the Ent's! That's why we were the only ones who could touch the spirit! _You_ killed the Ent. _You_ got the big musical number. It's so unfair…"

Roy slapped the squirrel on the back and began to walk away. "Yeah, you keep tellin' yourself that. Heh. Poor little guy. Pretending to be a big ol'hero. It's kinda cute---"

"HEY ROY!"

The general turned around to see none other than…

Neko: (a rapping beat begins and starts rapping very badly, bobbing her head)

_Yo yo WASSUP?_

_All my homies in the hood say 'YEAH!'_

Homies:

_YEAH!_

Neko:

_Dat's right!_

_You in Neko's house now!_

_And now I'm gonna RAP!_

Roy began to back away slowly from the freaky person in a rapper 'bling-bling' get-up in front of him.

Neko:

_Now!_

_Ya'll know I'm a made up character_

_Made by some freaky person sittin' at a 'puter_

_Her rhyming's real bad_

_It's really rather sad_

_Made someone should wake'er up and SUE'ER!_

Homies:

_YEAH!_

Neko:

_You can try to run_

_You can try to hide_

_But it's no use so you can just QUIT!_

_NekoRaven don't like made up characters much_

_And that's why she's a HYPOCRITE!_

(starts beat boxing)

The beat ended abruptly as Neko ended in a gansta pose. "_YEAH BOYEEEE_! … Hey, where'd Roy go?"

--

_Where in the world was that sudden burst of energy come from?_ Marth asked himself. After Link had left and after staring at the forest for a good fifteen minutes, the older swordsman began to look around for himself. _And what was with that music? Is someone watching us…?_

This got Marth thinking even more. Maybe someone was stalking them… Someone with boombox technology. Maybe someone… in the forest.

"In the forest…" Marth muttered to himself as he began to turn away from the brush. He began whistling casually and watching the brush out of the corner of his eye. Then he flipped back around and let out a karate yell. "HYAAAA! … Hm. Nobody's here."

_You're going crazy, Marth._ He told himself. _Why would anyone else be here in the middle of Africa? Really, I'm thinking too mu---_

"'ELLO AFRICAH!" came a British rockstar yell from the forest.

A figure jumped out of the forest, which sent Marth flying ten feet in the air. "What the?!"

Smoke poured out from the forest from the smoke machine that was hidden in the brush. The person was clad in a black leather vest, leather pants, and a Goofy shirt because she couldn't find a leather shirt. Thank God.

"Oh, no… Not you! This is impossible!!" Marth screamed and began to sob on the ground. "No one wants you here! We say it over and over… Why are you still here?!"

"Aw, cheer up, love!" replied the girl with a horrible, fake, stereotyped British accent. "I just followed you lot 'ere and figured I'd sing a round!"

Marth was having a seizure.

"Okay! And a'one! Two! A'one, two, three, four!" cried the stereotyping so-called rockstar girl. Weird sounding music began to play as the girl grabbed a guitar, but wasn't really playing it.

Neko:

_E.G.G.M.A.N…_

_The story begins!_

_With who's gonna win!_

_Knowing the danger that lie within!_

_Aboard the ARK!_

_A genius at heart!_

_Wanting to unlock the mysteries of life!_

_I AM THE EGGMAN!_

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked poor Marth from the clearing's ground. "NOT MORE SONIC MUSIC!! Waaah…"

Neko: (continues the chorus)

_That's what I am!_

_I AM THE EGGMAN!_

_I got the master plan!_

_I AM THE EGG---_

"GAH!!" Marth stood up and nearly ripped out his hair. Realizing what he was about to do, he froze, and started to walk towards Neko. He was going to rip out hers instead.

"Don't like rock, huh? Must be a rapper." Neko threw off her rockstar clothes and underneath she wore her gansta clothes from before. "Hit it."

Neko:

_Somethin' is callin' me- I don't know what!_

_Something' is talkin'- but I don't know who!_

_Somethin' is callin' me- more and more!_

_No one stops Knuckle's feet!_

_K! N! U! C! K! L! E! S!_

"GAAAAAH!! NO… MORE… SONIC!!" screamed Marth, his bloodshot eyes becoming wide with rage. He made a flying leap at her, but Neko stepped aside as he flew into the brush. "But I wasn't singing about Sonic, love."

After eating dirt, Marth sat up and threw a branch at Neko. It hit her dead-on in the head, sending her flying into oblivion, her voice fading into the distance. "WOW, THIS IS WORSE THAN ANIME PUNCHES…!"

All was silent again with Neko's demise. The cobalt-haired swordsman crawled out of the brush with his arms. Panting heavily, he swore he would get revenge on the next thing that sang. Or looked at him. Or moved.

--

Link stumbled on a giant, rotting dead branch. It nearly knocked him over into the mossy mud that covered the forests' ground. "Oof! S-Stupid branch… You're all after me. All of you…"

He had spent almost two hours in the forest alone, looking for his long departed friend Roy. Sadly, they kept missing eachother every chance they got. Roy would just so happen to be going right, where as something shiny would attract the Hylian and send him to the left. It was a sad, sad cycle.

"Just… a few more… steps… Roy!" the Hero of Time called. "ROY!! Hello? Is anybody here? Roy…? Marth… Anyone… AAAAHHH! I'm going insane!!"

Link fell to the ground and scrunched into the fetal position. "All of you… Watching… Out to get me… Cupcakes… Evil fairies… TINGLE!"

Suddenly, a green spandex, red underwear-wearing freak-o flew down from the sky on a red balloon. "You rang for Tingle?"

Link's blue eyes widened in horror. "NOOOO!"

The blond crawled away on all fours away from the terror. After making sure it was safe, he crawled over to a tree and resumed the fetal position. He panted heavily. All of a sudden, slight rock guitar-and-drums music began to play at a steady beat. Link scrunched up tighter and began to look around slowly as a song by a nice little band called Nirvana continued to play.

Link:

_I'm so happy, 'cause today I've found my friends…_

_They're in my head_

_I'm so crazy, but that's okay 'cause so are you…_

_You broke my mirror_

_Sunday mornin', was the day our plane took off…_

_And ended here_

_I hate candles, they smell like wax_

_I'M GOING NUTS!_

_Ye-e-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-eaaah, ye-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-ah, ye-ee-ah!_

Link picked up a shiny stone and tried to eat it, but a squirrel throwing an acorn at his head interrupted him. He scowled and continued as the squirrel crawled down onto his head.

_I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I've found a squirrel…_

_Now I'm not sad_

_And just maybe I'm to blame for all I heard…_

_But I'm not sure_

(remembering his journey to find Roy) _Was so worried, I couldn't wait to find you here…_

_Now I don't care!_

_My mind is leaving, but that's okay_

_CRAZY IS GOOD!_

_Ye-e-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-eaaah, ye-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-ah, ye-ee-ah!_

Link stood up, knocking the squirrel off his shoulder. He hugged the tree as he remembered Peach--- I mean, Zelda and all the good times he had had with her; walking through a field of flowers, riding on gazelles, and holding hands while watching 'Blue Collar TV'. He began to pour out his heart the romantic chorus.

_I like it, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I miss you, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I love you, I'm not gonna snap!_

(remembers Roy) _I'LL KILL YOU, I'M NOT GONNA SNAP!!_

(back to Zelda) _I like it, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I miss you, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I love you, I'm not gonna snap!_

(remembers Roy) _I'LL KILL YOU, I'M NOT GONNA_

_SNAP!!!_

Link breathed like he was having an asthma attack as his mind switched from his love for Zelda, to hate for Roy who had left and sent him in this hormonal rage in the first place. _Roy is the blame for all your troubles… _the voice in Link's head began to tell him. The Hylian nodded in agreement.

_I'm so happy, 'cause today I've found my friend…_

_Merle the Squirrel_

_I'm so freaky, but that's okay 'cause so are you…_

_You inhale chalk_

_Monday mornin' is today, there's no more plane…_

_And I'm still here_

_I think candles are the reason_

_I NEED LITHIUM!_

_Ye-e-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-eaaah, ye-ee-ah! Ye-e-ee-ah, ye-ee-ah!_

Link went spastic and began hugging trees, while mentally naming them all. He practically screamed the chorus, while still managing to keep the melody.

_I like it, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I miss you, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I love you, I'm not gonna snap!_

(remembers Roy) _I'LL KILL YOU, I'M NOT GONNA SNAP!!_

(back to Zelda) _I like it, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I miss you, I'm not gonna snap!_

_I love you, I'm not gonna snap!_

(remembers Roy) _I'LL KILL YOU, I'M NOT GONNA_

_SNAP!!!_

The blond fell over, panting after his wild rampage. Merle the Squirrel, Link's new friend, walked over to him and said something in squirrel chatter. "Chitter… cheep cheep chitter chitter."

Link sat up halfway and looked at Merle. "What? You say _you've_ been the voice in my head this whole time? Really? … Huh. Guess I don't need lithium after all."

--

"_Here's the story… Of a lovely lady… Who was bringing up three very lovely girls…_"

Roy had continued his merry way through the forest, singing show tunes. He could have sworn he heard someone singing about lithium, but he figured it was the effects of Africa taking their toll. He continued the song until it ended. "_That's the way… we became the Brady Bunch! Dun dun dun-dun dun dun!_ … Man, it's boring out here. I've barely seen any wild animals or anything! That'd be awesome if I could see something wild and psychotic---"

"Roy, you silly twit!" cried a badly British voice from the brush.

The redhead looked around. "What? Is someone here? Why are you imitating the Spice Girls?"

"Because, love," the voice answered as a figure stepped out. She dawned purple platform shoes, a feathery boa, a purple sequined mini-dress, and enough make-up to fit a clown. "I _AM_ THE SPICE GIRLS!"

"EIIEEE!" Roy squealed. "IT'S PSYCHO SPICE!"

Neko, even more of a ditz than before, began dancing like a British popstar in Roy's face.

Neko:

_SO I'LL TELL YA WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!_

Roy became freaked out of his mind.

Roy:

_Don't tell me what you want, what you really want!_

Neko:

_I'LL TELL YA WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!_

Roy:

_Don't tell me what you want, what you really want!_

Neko:

_I wanna---_

Animals:

_HEY!_

Neko:

_I wanna---_

Animals:

_HEY!_

Neko:

_I wanna---_

Animals:

_HEY!_

Neko:

_I wanna---_

Animals:

_HEY!_

Neko:

_I really, really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig---_

"AHHHHHH!" shrieked Roy as he ran away from the horror.

--

THUMP.

THUMP.

THUMP.

The ground shook violently with each 'thumping' noise that was heard. Nearly as bad as an earthquake, but without the ground-splitting terror. Marth froze what he was doing, which was lying on the ground and talking to himself. The ground shook more violently the closer it got.

"What in the world?" Marth stood up slowly and brushed himself off. "It sounds like something's landing… So I _wasn't_ going crazy! There really is something out there! … And I'm gonna kill it, whatever it is."

Gripping Falchion, the swordsman began to walk to the edge of the forest. The pounding got so hard that with each 'thump' Marth lifted an inch of the ground. He held onto a tree so he wouldn't fly away. "Geez! Whatever this thing is, it sure sounds like it needs Atkins."

All of a sudden, Marth watched in shock as the trees began to part in front of him. One by one, they all parted like the Red Sea. But what was causing the parting, he didn't know. But it was most definitely the source of the moving earthquake.

"Hey!" Marth shouted to whomever was making the ground shake. The pounding occurred and Marth was nearly lifted into orbit. "STOP THAT! Show yourself!"

Then 'it' came. Splitting its last amount of trees, there it was; taller than a skyscraper, terror of Japan. It was the crappy clay version of Godzilla, walking like it had a hanger stuck in its' back.

Marth looked upward and freaked out. "Oh… My…"

"RAWWWWRRRRR!!" growled Godzilla, allowing the sweet smell of Godzilla breath to enter the air.

"GODZILLA!" Marth cried and pointed at the oversized lizard. His first reaction was to take off running, but his legs wouldn't move. Instead, he stared open mouthed at the giant terror.

Godzilla began to move forward, randomly growling and flashing its white teeth. Then Marth remembered something…

-_Marth's Flashback!-_

"… Beware noontime. Noontime…"

-_End Marth's Flashback!-_

_Noontime…_ Marth thought back to the Smurfs' warning. _Oh, crap…_

Godzilla was now ten feet away from the frozen Smasher. Unfortunately, that was how far each step took. Its foot lifted into the air, ready to take another step. It began to lower as its' shadow hung in the air over Marth. He emitted a short scream, as the foot was about to connect with his head…

"Like, oh my gosh! You are like, so totally CUUUUTE!"

Marth looked up at the lizard, which was now looking at him with hearts in its eyes. "What…"

"Like, AWW! You totally talked to me! I'm like, so shy!" Godzilla blushed and turned away. "I don't know what to say!"

The blue-haired swordsman took this as a clue to run away. Too bad it didn't happen.

"C'mere, you little cutie!" cooed Godzilla as SHE reached down and grabbed Marth in her fist. "Aww! Look how tiny you are!"

Marth strained as he tried to get free. "What are you… UHH! … doing?!"

"AWW!" Godzilla cuddled Marth against her Claymation face.

"Stop it!" Marth yelled.

Godzilla looked at him and smiled. "I think I'm in love…"

There was a short pause.

"… WHAT?!" Marth shrieked. "NO!"

"My mom like, always told me you can't stop love!" Godzilla lectured, her green-yellow eyes meeting Marth's deep blue. "C'mon! I just got like, two tickets to see NSYNC!"

Marth's heart beat faster as the giant GIRL lizard cuddled him. He wanted to say no and hit her in the head with an acorn, but he couldn't. It could damage a young teenage lizard's ego. _Blast my heart of gold_, Marth thought to himself. But before he could say anything more, Godzilla started up again.

"I think I should take you home with me!" Godzilla giggled.

"Do I have a say in this?" Marth asked.

"Of course not, silly!" Godzilla giggled again. "You're all mine!"

Marth had not the words. He didn't need them. Before he knew it, a song began to start up. A piano began to play a strong, fast paced tune as Godzilla began to walk towards the clearing.

"Oh, no…" Marth said flatly. "You're not going to sing, are you?"

Godzilla spun like a ballerina and stopped suddenly. Marth felt like he was going to lose his lunch.

Godzilla:

_Don't go breakin' my heart!_

Marth:

(poking Godzilla's tough skin with Falchion) _I couldn't if I tried!_

Godzilla:

_Oh, honey, if I get restless!_

Marth:

_I hope that you're not _THAT _kind…_

Godzilla and Marth:

_Oooo!_

_Nobody knows it!_

_Nobody kno-whoas!_

Godzilla:

_I found you on the ground!_

Marth:

_PLEASE put me down!_

Godzilla:

_We'll learn to speak in French tongues!_

Marth:

_You're crushing my lungs!_

Godzilla:

_Ooo-ooo,_

_I'll give you my heart!_

Godzilla and Marth:

_So don't go breakin' my_

_HEAAAART!!_

Marth meant it literally. The song came to an abrupt end as Marth still struggled to get free. "Why? Why won't you let me go so I can sob in peace? Why?! I'M LOSING OXYGEN!"

"Because…" Godzilla smiled and spun once again.

"Blech…" Was all Marth could say.

Fast-paced music began to play on a piano. Why there was always a piano involved, no one knew. Godzilla began to dance like she was in a 'Grease' musical or something.

Godzilla:

_You're the one that I want! Hoo, hoo, hoo!_

_Honey, you're the one that I want! Hoo, hoo, hoo!_

_Honey, you're the one that I want! Hoo, hoo, hoo!_

_Come on to me!_

_OH, YES, INDEEEEED…!_

"STOP!" Marth cried. He freed himself from Godzilla while she was distracted. He stood on the ground and faced upward at the giant clay teenage monster. "Now, listen. You're a great gal, you really are. But…"

"But…?" Godzilla repeated. "Wait a minute. There's someone else, isn't there?!"

"What? No, I---"

"WAAAAAH!" cried Godzilla. Tears sprung from her eyes like mini tsunamis. Marth darted this way and that, attempting not to get swept away. "SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING! YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE! I'LL PROVE MY LOVE TO YOU!"

Godzilla took off, stomping and crying into the horizon. And KOing anything that was in her way. Marth stood in the clearing, shocked into silence.

--

_Finally! I found the path! Or the brush that leads me back to the clearing somehow._ Link walked along the forest on his way back to the clearing. He didn't care about Roy anymore. He was mad at him.

Link began to mimic Roy in a high-pitched voice. "Mr. I'm Just Gonna Take Off Willy-nilly Through An Unknown Forest And Make Everyone Worry About Me! PUH!"

"You sound disgr-UN-tled, pardner!" a heavily stereotyped Southern accent came from the brush.

"What the heck is 'disgr-UN-tled'?" Link asked the brush.

"Well, I'll tell ya." A figure stepped out of the brush and faced Link. She was dressed in a cowboy outfit, complete with spurs, boots, a hat, and a piece of straw in her mouth. "You look like someone smacked ya upside the head with a bottle'a whiskey and set ya on fire!"

Link blinked. _Huh?_

Country-sounding music began to play, complete with guitars, drums, and a bit of harmonicas. It sounded a lot like the modern country hit, 'Where I Come From'. Durn near close.

"Let me tell ya somethin' 'bout what happened to me when I was a young'un." The girl replied.

Neko:

_Well I was rollin' wheels and shiftin' gears 'round that Jersey turnpike_

_Barney stopped me with his gun ten minutes after midnight_

_Said 'Sir you broke the limit in this rusty old truck_

_I don't know about that accent, son, just where did you come from?'_

_I SAID WHERE I COME FROM!_

_IT'S CORNBREAD AND CHICKEN!_

_WHERE I COME FROM!_

_ALOTTA FRONT NOSE PICKIN'!_

Link was rolled into a ball and covering his head in fear. _I-Is that how the song goes?_ "AHHH! MAKE IT STOP!"

Neko:

_… TRYIN' TO MAKE A LIVIN'!_

_WORKIN' HARD TO GET A GAMECUBE!_

_WHERE I COME FROM!_

"GAAAAAAH!" screamed Link as he fled for his life down the path.

--

"Must… make it… back… ahh…" Roy slumped into the clearing once again. He was back from his treacherous journey through the African forest.

Marth was passed out on a log, trying to calm down from the horrifying experience he just had. He looked over at his fellow swordsman, who was now KO'ed on the ground. "Boy, I hope you had fun.

"Eehh…" was all Roy could muster.

"Get over here."

The general crawled over to his older buddy. With every once of his energy, he was closer to his destination. Marth watched the carnage until Roy finally made it over to him and fell back down again. "So. How was your day?"

Roy didn't look up.

"Well, I hope it was fun. I know mine sure was," Marth replied sarcastically, ready to preach to Roy about the dangers of being alone in an unknown African forest.

"NOOOOO! SHE'S TRYING TO HOGTIE ME!"

Link came running in suddenly with Neko close behind. "YEE-HAW! I LIKE ME SOME DEEP FRIED CHICKEN ON A STICK!"

"She's shouting random phrases that don't make any sense! Get her away from me!" Link cried again.

"THERE IS NO ARIZONA WHERE I COME FROM! I HOPE YOU DANCE AND POUR ME ANOTHER SHOT OF WHISKEY! GOD BLESS THE USA WHEN I THINK ABOUT ANGELS! I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME IN MY NEXT THIRTY YEARS!"

Marth, not being a big fan of country music, grabbed Neko by the rope she was holding, swung her around in the air, and let her fly back into the forest where she belonged. Her voice faded into the distance. "BORN TO FLY…!"

Link stared at the sky. "Thank God."

"Mpphh mmph."

"Say what Roy?"

"Mppphhhh… mmmphh…"

Marth walked over to where Roy was lying on the ground, grabbed him by the hair, and lifted his head off the ground. "What?"

"I said, help me!"

Marth pulled Roy up by his hair. "There ya go."

Roy held his head in pain. "Ow, ow, OWIES! Don't touch me." He skidded away and hid behind Link.

All three swordsmen stared at eachother for what seemed like hours. Marth glared at the forest, making sure Godzilla didn't want revenge. Link stared at a butterfly that flew around the three nearly ten times. Roy held his head in pain and nearly passed out. Again.

Marth broke the silence. "Link, where've you been?"

"I went looking for Roy when he left _without telling anyone_…" The Hylian gave Roy the most evil glare of all. "I never found him anyway. BUT I DON'T CARE! And I don't care what you say! I DON'T NEED LITHIUM!"

The two looked at Roy. Marth gave him a look. "… And just what possessed you to leave and cause all this trouble in the first place?"

Roy looked up, tears in the corners of his eyes. "I went to find Geraldine! She tragically left me when the Smurfs came the last time. She looked pretty guilty for some reason and I went to find her. THAT'S ALL! I SWEAR!"

"You sure you didn't go to torture more Smurfs?" Link asked flatly.

"NO!"

"It doesn't matter we've all had our share of troubles today." Marth replied, looking towards the east where his lover had retreated.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Even _you_?"

Marth was silent.

"Oh no. What happened?" Link asked.

The older swordsman looked uncomfortable. "Well…"

--

"OH MY GOSH!"

"ARE YOU, LIKE, TOTALLY SERIOUS?!"

Both mythical creatures screamed. "LIKE, OH MY GOSH!"

"I KNOW! Can you like, totally believe it?" Godzilla squealed, turning the page of her 'Mythical Hunks Monthly' magazine. _Man, that Easter B. Bunny is sooo hot…_ "He was totally in love with me!"

"WOOOOW! Seriously?" asked Loch Ness. Or, as her friends called her, Nessie.

Godzilla nodded. "Yep! He soooo wanted to come home with me."

"Hoooow romaaaaannntic…" Banshee replied dreamily. "I wisssshhh someoooone would doooo thaaat foooor meee!"

Godzilla giggled and turned another page. _Ooh, a 'Does He Really Like You?' quiz! Let's see… 'Does he scream when the second you show your face?' Hm… I think that was a joyful scream. So no. 'Does he immediately seem to be nervous when you come around?' GASP! He did! Ooh, it's a love connection waiting to happen!_ "Ahh, we are meant to be…"

Nessie looked up from painting her fingernails. "So, how did it like, go?"

"How did what go?"

"The daaaate, sillyyyy! Your firrrssst meeeetinggg!" Banshee elaborated.

"Oh, that! Heehee!" Godzilla giggled. "Well, it went something like this…"

Suddenly, music began to play. It was of course a piano, with an upbeat beat to it. Banshee and Nessie looked around in confusion. Godzilla began to bob her head with the beat slightly from side to side.

"Must be a 'Grease' fanatic." Nessie whispered to Banshee. She nodded.

Godzilla: (to the tune of 'Summer Nights')

_He was small, such a cute little tyke!_

_He didn't know that he was just my type!_

_I picked him up and showed him some love_

_So small, he could fit in my glove_

_Still not sure why he was screaming so loud_

_Must have been love's heat all around!_

Nessie and Banshee:

_Tell me more, tell me more!_

_What will the Smurfs think of this?_

Godzilla:

_Those ignorant blobs!_

_They can go and SHOVE IT!_

Nessie and Banshee: (nodding in agreement)

_Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh! _

_Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!_

The three swordsmen were sitting around the clearing where the music continued. Marth began to sing out his sob story to the other two intrigued listeners.

Marth:

_All her spinning 'round made me want to puke_

_I was trapped, didn't know what to do!_

_I searched all around my pockets for mace_

_The second I saw her ugly Claymation face!_

_She looked at me like I was an ant_

_I think I needed new pants…_

Link and Roy:

_Tell me more, tell me more!_

_Did you have any luck?_

Marth:

_I'll pay you if you run her over_

_With a giant Mack Truck!_

Nessie and Banshee:

_Shoobie-doo, Shoobie-doo, Shoobie-doobie-doobie-doo!_

_Shoobie-doo, Shoobie-doo, Shoobie-doobie-doobie-doo!_

Godzilla:

_I poured my heart out in love and affection!_

_After my last breakup, I couldn't stand rejection!_

_The way he looked at me I could just tell…_

Marth:

_… Our relationship would go straight to… heck!_

Godzilla:

_I miss him so, hope he comes back someday_

_Maybe I shouldn't have ran away…_

Nessie and Banshee: DUH!

_Tell me more, tell me more!_

_Is there 'another' involved?_

Godzilla:

_There better not be!_

_If there is, I'll make sure she goes BALD!_

Link and Roy:

_Shoodie-bop-bop, Shoodie-bop-bop, Shoodie-bop-bop, Shoodie-bop-bop_

_Shoodie-bop-bop, Shoodie-bop-bop, Shoodie-bop-bop, YEAH!_

Marth:

_If she comes back I don't know what I'll do!_

Link:

_Maybe you should find a lawyer and sue!_

Marth:

_I'm afraid she'd step on me, she's so tall!_

_Too bad I don't care about her at all!_

_I think I'll find a corner and hide…_

_If I don't, I'll surely die!_

Link and Roy:

_Tell me more, tell me more!_

Roy:

_Can I have your dollar bills?_

Marth:

_No, Roy, if I die_

_I'm writing you out of my will._

The music stopped briefly. Back at the clearing, Marth sighed (as did Roy) and looked at his two comrades. At her house, Godzilla looked out her bedroom window while Nessie and Banshee glared at her, filled with sympathy for their friend. The music resumed, slower and less obvious.

Marth:

_I suppose this is where it ends…_

Link:

_Look at it this way, she has the latest trends!_

Marth:

_Don't try to help._

_There's no bright side to this._

Nessie and Banshee:

_You'll find a better boyfriend than he is!_

Godzilla:

_If only I could see him for one last kiss…_

Marth:

_You ain't getting none of this…_

Link, Roy, Nessie, and Banshee: (big finale)

_TELL… ME… MORE…_

_TELL… ME… MOOOOOOOORE!_

Back at her home, Godzilla snapped her fingers as the music ended. "Drat!"

Back at the clearing, Marth sat with his arms crossed. "That's right. You can look, but you can't touch."

"Hey Martha, can I have your stereo?" Roy asked.

Marth's eye twitched. "No. And just for that, you get to sleep outside the clearing tonight."

Roy's eyes widened to the size of baseballs. "What? NOOOOO! It's dangerous! What if I get attacked by crazies?!"

"Roy," Marth lectured. "We're in the middle of Africa. There ARE no crazies."

--

"Hello, everyone. Godzilla, I heard about your loss." A girl in a black trenchcoat suddenly appeared at the entrance of Godzilla's bedroom where the sleepover was occurring. "I'm with the K.P.A."

Godzilla sniffled and fought back tears. "W-What's K.P.A.?"

The girl took out a small card and handed one to each of the creatures. "The Karaoke Protection Agency. I was called here on an account of lost boyfriend. I travel around and allow people to express their feelings by music."

"By… music?"

"Yes." The mysterious girl magically pulled a karaoke machine, back up singers, a stage, flashy lights, a disco ball, can-can dancers, the whole she-bang out of her pocket. She snapped once and transformed the entire bedroom into an auditorium. "You go, girl."

Godzilla looked at Nessie and Banshee. They nodded and urged her to go ahead. She nervously walked up onto the giant stage. She suddenly dawned a fancy outfit, consisting of ruffles, sparkles, and a mini skirt. With a shaking hand she grabbed the microphone and gave the girl the go-ahead to start the music.

The girl nodded and snapped once. Music filled the air with yet another piano that played slow and sorrowfully, matching Godzilla's very soul. She began to pour out her thoughts into a single song that sounded almost exactly like 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.

Godzilla:

_Missing you is too much to bear_

_My world crumbles all around when you're not near_

_We had just met…_

_Barely knew eachother's name_

_You were so small and meek…_

_I so strong and brave!_

_I can't get over you!_

_Our love started anew!_

_My love for you is what you can't er-ase!_

_THERE BETTER NOT BE ANO-THER GIRL THERE!_

_IF THERE IS THEN… I'LL RIP OUT ALL OF HER HAIR!_

_I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HECK!_

_UNLESS YOU COME BACK…_

_Oh, Marth…_

Godzilla's friends clapped and gave cries of 'YOU GO GIRL!' and 'YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!'

The girl with the trenchcoat burst into tears of joy and jumped up and down like a psycho. "YOU'RE AWESOME, 'ZILLA! KEEP ON SINGIN'!"

Godzilla continued her love-and-loss ballad.

Godzilla:

_You screamed a joyful scream when you first saw me_

_My good looks had stunned you obviously…_

_I miss you so…_

_A part of me is gone_

_I'll hunt you down forever…_

_The world will know what I lost!_

_I can't get over you!_

_Our love started anew!_

_My love for you is what you can't er-ase!_

_I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!_

_IF THERE'S ANOTHER GIRL SHE'LL PAY TIMES THREE!_

_I'LL PUT A BOUNTY ON YOUR HEAD!_

_I'VE WATCHED TOO MUCH TRIGUN…_

"Here it comes…" Trenchcoat girl said to herself. "C'mon… Belt it out…"

Godzilla:

_I… TRIED… SO HARD… TO TELL YOU THAT OUR LOVE WAS TRUE!_

_BUT YOU… DIDN'T… HEAR ME!_

_IT'S NOT ME… IT'S YOU!_

"WOOHOO!" cried Nessie. "Tell it like it is, girlfriend!"

Godzilla:

_THERE BETTER NOT BE ANO-THER GIRL THERE!_

_IF THERE IS THEN… I'LL RIP OUT ALL OF HER HAIR!_

_I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HECK!_

_UNLESS YOU COME BACK…_

_Oh Marth, oh… Marth, oh… Marth…_

--

The three swordsmen saw around their newly made campfire. Evening was approaching quickly as they shared stories about others and themselves. Some they didn't really need to tell.

"… So I said to her, 'WELL EX-CUUUUSE ME, Princess!'" Link told his wonderful story.

Roy blinked. "And then what happened?"

"What else?" Link shrugged. "I got slapped."

Marth watched in a daze. He wasn't that interested in what his fellow Smashers had to say. That is, until Roy got into the conversation.

"I was just thinking…" Roy muttered. "If you had a theme song, what would it be? Link, I think yours would definitely have to be 'Lithium'."

"I TOLD YOU, I DON'T NEED LITHIUM!" Link spazzed and began to knit furiously.

Roy didn't care and continued. "Well, I think mine would be along the lines of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'… Or 'Come On, Get Happy'."

"… Or 'I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts'." Marth added flatly.

Roy's mouth dropped open. "Why… HOW DARE YOU! Of course, you know what _your_ theme song is, don't you, Marth?"

Marth yawned. "Yeah, what?"

Roy burst into song.

Roy:

_YEAH! YEAH!_

_DUDE LOOK'S LIKE A LADY!_

"WHY YOU LITTLE---" Marth took off towards Roy.

Roy, who was laughing maniacally, suddenly stopped when Marth grabbed him by the collar and began shaking him harshly. "STOP IT! I WAS JUST KIDDING!"

"It's too late for that now, Roy! You've crossed the line!!" Marth went insane as he tortured the poor younger swordsman.

"You're all out to get me… All of you…" Link continued to knit. Suddenly, he began to hear the 'voices'. "What? … You're watching me? … From where? … I need _what_?!"

Link threw his knitting in the air and began to insanely in circles. He wasn't watching where he was going and ran into Marth and Roy, who was screaming 'ABUSE!' at the top of his lungs. All three swordsmen were beating up on eachother in a giant pile on the ground.

"I DON'T LOOK LIKE A LADY!"

"ABUSE! SMASHER ABUSE! HELP!"

"I DON'T… NEED… LITHIUM!!"

The day came to an end as the three swordsmen's screams faded into the night.

---

Author's Notes: And _now_ you know why I didn't update for nearly a month. Sweet _night_. I did this for you, people. I did this for you. Boy, I hope all this time paid off.

Ah, French. The language of love…

Marth- SHUT UP!

… And thus I bring Chapter Six: The Musical to a close. I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters to come. Thank you and goodnight!


	7. Tribal Instincts

Author's Notes: Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter! And Kalliope, Dorcus _is_ a weirder name than Lucius. I'm glad we have finally come to an agreement! It's funny how you guys mentioned Kirby in the review, too. Nearly uncanny. You'll see why. Little did anyone know I had a plan for the little pink gumball from the beginning…

I'm so sorry I'm so late. School is kicking my butt and I've been wandering around Deviantart. Yes, I finally joined. I acquired the PC game 'School Tycoon' in an attempt to relieve myself of my school stress by… creating deformed characters of me and my friends and putting in an arcade. Wow, a school with an arcade. Dream the big dream. Man, that last chapter was a doozy…

Marth- So you've finally decided to update. Took you long enough. Shame on you.

You know is my number one priority!

Marth- What about school?

School stinks. I spit on thee. Besides, you don't know what it's like, Old Man.

Marth- I had a tutor. She was hot--- I mean, intelligent.

Riiiiight. At least everyone _else_ knows where I'm coming from. I would also like to say that this is possibly the last chapter in the 'Surviving' whatever series. I'm most of you are thinking 'FINALLY!'. Whoo, I understand. I have so many more ideas for SSBM and I've already started on a new story. I'll tell you more at the end. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

---

Chapter Seven 

---

The emotional scars had almost healed from the Smasher's last encounter. Pride, ego's, and bones had been broken. It was nearly nightfall and the forests' noises from within echoed silently in the air. The three that had been the center of the story since it's infancy were napping outside. Marth and Link were around the fire, while Roy had been put outside the clearing for his punishment. His comrades had shunned him.

Link suddenly awoke. He looked around for some sign of life, but found none. He lay back against the rock he rested his head on and stared at the sky. _Man, it's boring around here when no one's awake._ The Hylian thought to himself. _What does a guy gotta do to get some attention around here? … Hey, I know!_

"'Hello, Ms. Stripy-Sock!'" Link had taken out a pair of socks the long departed Geraldine had knitted him. He put them on his hands and began to make conversation. "'Why, hello, Mr. Gym-Sock! How are you this fine evening?' 'Not too well, Ms. Stripy-Sock.' 'Oh, how so, Mr. Gym-Sock?' 'Well, everyone is ignoring me and I'm alone, Ms. Stripy-Sock!' 'GASP! How horrible, Mr. Gym-Sock!' 'Yes. Pity me, Ms. Stripy-Sock.' 'NEVER, Mr. Gym-Sock!'"

The Hylian began to create a soap opera with his socks. "'And why mustn't I get pity from you, Ms. Stripy-Sock?' 'Because… I… I… I'm seeing someone else, Mr. Gym-Sock.' 'What? This can't be, Ms. Stripy-Sock!' 'But it is, Mr. Gym-Sock. It is.' '… Tell me… who, Ms. Stripy-Sock.' 'It's… It's… your brother Sr. Plaid-Underwear, Mr. Gym-Sock…' 'GASP! Oh no you didn't, Ms. Stripy-sock!'"

Link, bored out of his mind, took the two socks and began to smack them against each other. He tied them together in knots, drowned them in a puddle, and rammed them against a random log. "IIIIIIT'S… WWF SMACKDOOOWN! EVERYBODY SCREEEAAAM!"

The blonde immediately flung both of the socks into the air. Link watched as his beautiful creations soared through the air! It was amazing…!

Splat.

"Whoops."

Marth awoke, picking the wet Mr. Gym-Sock and Ms. Stripy-Sock off of his face. He held them in his hand like they were poisonous snakes. "Is there something you want to tell me, Link?"

Link shook his head. The blue-haired swordsman flung the socks and they landed on the latter.

"Nothing like waking up to wet socks stranded in the middle of an African forest with two other idiots." Marth muttered to himself, turning away from Link.

"That's the spirit, Marth!" Link shouted, muffled by the socks on his face. Marth fell asleep and Link was alone once again. "Man…"

"BAAAAWK!"

"EEP!" came a girlish shriek from outside the clearing. Then came loud rustling and struggling noises.

Link sat straight up and looked around frantically. "That sounded like…"

"SOMEONE SAVE ME! IT'S THE DEVIL!"

"The devil…?" Link asked himself as he watched the forest, expecting a deformed Tingle or something to appear before his eyes.

"BAAAAWK!" came a cry once more.

Link scratched his head. "Wait a minute, I know what that is! But no… it can't be… Not in the middle of Africa!"

All of a sudden, Roy appeared. He ignored the restraining order that Marth had put on him and began to run wildly through the clearing. "Someone save me from the demon clucker!!"

He began flailing his arms about, running into everything that got in his way. Link watched wide-eyed as Roy immediately ran over his older swordsman buddy. Marth emitted a loud scream and hit his head on a log.

"Someone save me! IT'S KFC'S REVENGE!!" cried Roy as he kept running around non-stop.

"Roy! Wait!" Link stood up and began to run after the possessed younger swordsman.

Marth stood up, angrier than ever. He tore off after the two. "Yeah, you better run… Get over here!"

It was a parade with Roy as the leader. Scared out of his pants, he ran towards the forest. He would have made it too, if it weren't for the demon thing that appeared before him.

"BAWK!"

Roy screeched to a stop and began hyperventilating. "GERALDINE! SAVE ME!"

Geraldine, the long-departed killus maximus monkey, sudden swung on a vine into the clearing. She had heard a cry for her presence and was happy to grace them with it. "OOK!"

The monkey stood before what seemed like a chicken and began to show off her karate moves. 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly' began to play as the chicken and Geraldine stared each other down.

"Get out of here, you stupid monkey." Marth walked over to Geraldine and smacked her as he had once down when he was sleepwalking.

Roy gasped. "That's animal abuse! That's it! I'm taking the you AND the chicken DOWN!"

The Hero of Time finally caught up to the other Smasher's. Out of breath, he coughed and began to yell a warning. "No, Roy! Don't do it! It's not just any chicken! It's…"

"I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN, COLONEL SANDERS!" Roy raised the Sword of Seals above his head.

"Roy! STOP!" Link shouted and made a grab for the general, but Roy had already brought the sword down onto the chicken. Link landed on top of Roy, knocking him to the ground. "Oh, no… Roy! You moron!"

"What?!" Roy asked, standing up and brushing himself off. "What did I do?!"

The chicken, unharmed by Roy's sword treatment, cocked its head to one side and took a deep breath.

"What? That stupid thing's still alive?!" the redhead shouted.

Link opened his mouth to say something, but it was too late. The chicken exhaled and emitted the loudest rooster's crow they had ever heard. The swordsmen covered their ears and cringed. They noise was loud and echoed off the trees, sending birds fleeing for their lives.

Then all was eerily silent. Breathing heavily, the swordsmen looked around for some sign of evil. The wind blew and the quiet sound of flapping filled the air. Link began to go into panic mode. "They come, they eat, they leave… They come, they eat, they leave…"

The flapping got louder and louder. The wind blew harder and the chicken crowed deafeningly once more. And then it happened.

Hundreds of chickens emerged from the forest, flapping loudly and drowning out all other sounds of wildlife. Most flew from the forest and some seemed to fall out of the sky. They were demon chickens from Hades that wanted human flesh…

"IT'S THE CUCCOS!" Link shrieked at the top of his lungs as he and the others ran for their lives to the other side of the clearing.

Going off in their own direction, the three swordsmen were separated from each other quickly. The cuccos gave chase, filling the entire surrounding so that nothing else could be seen but the dirty-white feathers. The flapping was so loud it was deafening.

"This is all my fault! This is all my fault!" Roy said to himself, running deeper into the forest from the horror.

"Yes! Yes it is!" came a voice beside him.

Not bothering to look for fear that he would trip or get left behind, Roy replied, "Link! You're still here!"

"Of course! Where else was I supposed to go?"

The two tore into the woods until they came to a giant tree covered in soft moss and greens. Roy and Link ran behind it and used it as a shield. The cuccos flew past them like a gush of a tornado's strong wind.

Soon after, the madness stopped and the cuccos were no more. Feathers floated everywhere for what seemed like hours until the ground was nearly covered in them. It was like winter in Africa.

Link had ducked behind the tree and had assumed Roy did the same. He stood up, spit some feathers out of his mouth, and dusted himself off. "Roy?"

"Ahhh!" A loud scream came from a few feet away. Afraid Roy was injured in the updraft, Link ran over to the other side of the tree. He spotted Roy sitting cross-legged on the ground and ran to him. "What?! What happened?!"

Roy scowled and looked at his clothes. "I got cucco crap all over me!"

Link was amused at Roy covered in the wonderful presents the cuccos had left behind. "How did you end up over here? I thought you were behind the tree!"

"I was, until I had a stupid moment and looked behind the tree. Stupid chicken hit me in the face and I was caught in the KFC army." Roy stood up and tried to clean himself off with a leaf. "Where's Marth?"

Link stopped. "Oh, no. I'm not going through this again. He's finding _me_ this time. It's his fault we're separated."

Roy threw down the leaf. _It's hopeless_. "I suppose we should head back, huh?"

"Uh, right." Link spun around every direction. "… Which way is it?"

The two sighed and began to walk in a random direction.

After a few minutes, all hope seemed lost. The sounds of the forest mocked them and seemed to be closing off every way back to the clearing. It seemed like they were going in circles.

"… and there's the rock that looks like Oprah Winfrey and that's the pill bug that looks like Drew Carey and…"

"Roy, shut up."

"… and the tree that looks like Dr. Phil…"

"Where are we now?" Link interrupted.

Roy scoffed. "Isn't it obvious? We're going in circles."

"But that CAN'T be right! We just---"

"WEEEYAAAAAHHH!"

"What the heck was that!?" Roy jumped.

"It sounded like some sort of deranged animal!" Link replied. "And believe me, I know a lot about deranged beings."

The swordsmen began to wander around. They looked under rocks, trees, and even dirt. Wow, that's commitment.

Roy walked over to a rock. "Hey, Oprah, have you seen any deranged beings around?"

A light 'thwap' came to the back of his head. Link looked towards his left. "Look over there."

"What?"

"Did you just see that brush move?"

"No."

Rustle, rustle.

"There! Did you see it?"

"No."

Rustle.

"There! It did it again!"

"I didn't see it."

Link sighed heavily and grabbed Roy by the arm. He dragged him over to where the brush had moved and pointed. "Right there. I saw something in the brush. Quick! Get down on your knees!"

Roy did as he was told and Link did the same. They crawled silently over to the brush and waited. The brush moved. "I saw it!" Roy cried.

"Shh! It's here."

All was silent as Link and Roy crept closer and closer…

"WEEEYAAAAAHHH!"

"EEYAAAAH!"

The swordsmen jumped back as a round form of something jumped from behind the brush and emanated a loud battle cry. It was round and had a pinkish tint, with war paint on its face and brightly colored feathers in its head. It carried a small wooden stick with the same form of feathers on the end. It seemed slightly less menacing than it thought it was.

The 'thing' pointed the twig at the swordsmen and scowled. "WEEYAAHOOOKAAALAAKKAAAPOOOYYOOO!"

Roy gasped. "It's threatening us!"

"Give it what it wants! We don't want any trouble!"

"Please! Don't hurt us!"

"POYO!"

Link and Roy stopped whining and looked at the creature. "Poyo'?"

"Did that thing just say 'poyo'?" Roy asked.

"Only one thing says that!" Link replied, crawling closer to the wild thing. "It's Kirby!"

"POYO!" cried war-torn Kirby. His scowl turned into a smiling face and his cheeks rosy through the war paint.

Roy smiled. "Hey! It _is_ Kirby! How've ya been, gumball?"

Kirby stopped and scowled once again, and pointed his twig at the two. "POYO!"

"Whoa! What'd I say?"

"Nice going! You made him angry!" Link smacked Roy upside the head.

"HAH!" shouted Kirby, moving the twig around slowly.

Roy scratched his head. "What does that mean?"

"WOOYAAAHHHAAHH!" Kirby motioned with his twig, moving it like it was the Wind Waker. "HAH!"

"WHAT?! We're being taken hostage?!" cried Roy.

Link gasped at war Kirby. "Wait, how did you know?"

The Pheraen shrugged. "Somehow I achieved the ability to understand non-human organisms."

"Makes sense."

Kirby said some more tribal language and Roy translated. It was then that Kirby decided to take action and take his hostages to his tribe.

"But Kirby, we don't want to join your tribe! Don't you wanna go home?" Link asked.

"HAH!"

Roy tried to reason in the only way he knew how. "Kirby, we ain't joining your little play circus. Get over it! We're going back."

The swordsmen stood up and began to walk away. But Link was concerned. "Don't you think we should take him with us? After all, he's a Smasher, too. They're probably wondering where he is as well."

"Eh, they'll get used to it." Roy replied. "Just tell them he's in some country as a king and being worshipped by minions. They wouldn't take him away from that."

"I guess so…"

"HAH!"

Roy stopped. "What?"

"POYOHAH!"

"Are you serious?"

"HAI!"

"ALRIGHT! C'mon Link, we're joining Kirby!" Roy grabbed Link and began to run in the opposite direction.

The Hero of Time tried to screech to a halt. "Wait a minute! Why?!"

"Food and women tribal members! What man doesn't want that?"

"You're serious?" Link asked. Roy nodded. "Alright! Show us the way, Kirby!"

"POYO!"

--

"I hate chickens. Always have, always will. Spawns of Satan, they are."

Marth was sitting in the clearing pulling cucco feathers off himself. He had ran behind a closer tree just outside the clearing and was now alone on a rock. All was silent and there was no sign of Link and Roy.

The Altean began to talk to himself. "I'm not looking for them this time. No, it's time they learned how to find their way back on their own. What am I, their babysitter? Of course not. It's not like they ran into too much trouble. What the heck were chickens doing in the middle of an African forest, anyway? Africa isn't like anything I've ever studied. My whole life has been a LIE!"

He sighed. "I really need to get back to the others. I miss Peach--- I mean, my bed. I miss my room, I miss my books, I miss my stuff. I miss all the matches we had against each other. I miss the courtyard, I miss the building… Heck, I even miss Mario's obnoxious belching at the dinner table. And the sky. Haven't seen it in ages."

Hours passed by slowly. Marth had begun to pace around the fire. It was very dark out and as much as he hated to admit, he was worried about his younger accomplices. After all, they were in a place they had never been before. In Africa, no less.

"They'll be back." Marth told himself as he glared at the fire. "Just give them another hour."

Another hour passed and the only light that could be seen was the fire's glow. Marth, eyes half open, began to drift off to sleep. Birds conversed with each other lightly and the wind blew against the trees, making the damp vines sway back and forth. The moon rose overhead, but couldn't be seen. The quietness that was Africa loomed about the atmosphere.

A rustle came from a tree.

"What…" Marth looked around sleepily. He saw that there was nothing and went back to sleep.

Another rustle.

Marth looked up again. "Link? Roy? Is that you?"

Rustle.

The swordsman stood up slowly and sighed tiredly. He wasn't in the mood for games. "Guys, if you're in the tree, get down right now. The chickens are gone."

Nothing.

"That's it." Marth rubbed his eyes and walked towards the trees. "I know you guys are there. Quit playing around!"

Nothing again. Marth sighed heavily and turned back to the clearing. "Idiots. If that's the way you're gonna be---"

"WEEEYAAAAAHHH!"

"AHH!"

From the trees sprang two figures, screaming and shrieking war cries. They jumped onto Marth, knocking him to the ground hard. It was an epic struggle between Marth and the tribal children.

"GET OFF! WHAT ARE YOU?!" Marth shouted, trying to keep the two from tearing him apart.

"POYOWAAHCHAAAH!" one cried.

"WEEEEYAAAHPOYO!" cried the other.

Marth was panicking as he was attacked by the evil ones. He gathered his strength and with one last shove, he sent the two backwards. He began to crawl away quickly. When he got far enough, he turned around and glared at what attacked him. His heart beat faster as his chest moved up and down harshly, gasping for breath. "What the heck are you doing?!"

Two figures looked at him with wild eyes. Link and Roy had hid in the tree, waiting to catch their victim off-guard at just the right moment.

"Link…? Roy…?" Marth gasped. He looked at their attire. "What are you guys, Orcs?!"

Referring to their harsh appearance, Marth glared at the other two. Their shirts were ripped, dyed, and tied around their heads. They dawned lots of war paint on their faces and cucco feathers randomly placed around their bodies. Their eyes were wide and matched their untamed appearance. They returned Marth's glare back at him.

"What are you doing?" Marth cried. "You look like the lost members of the Village People!"

Without warning, tribal leader Kirby appeared out of nowhere. He stood in front of Link and Roy and pointed his twig at Marth. "HAH!"

"Kirby! What are you doing here?" Marth asked.

"MEEHAH!"

"Leader says he was ejected from a big metal bird in the big blue abyss!" Roy translated. "He was living as a great leader and brought peace among many nations and Smurfs!"

The prince cringed. "Not the Smurfs… You got all that from one word?"

"HAI!" Roy replied.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" Link cried for no reason.

Marth rubbed his tired blue eyes. "Well, I guess that's it. Everyone's finally snapped. It's the end for us. We'll never make it out. We're stuck. I'm stuck here… With you two… And a living piece of gum. Yes, the world hates me."

"No, Marth. The world hates us _all_." Roy walked up to Marth and patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Confucius." Marth scoffed.

"POYO!" Kirby cried, ran towards Marth, and latched himself onto his leg. Kirby had regained his innocence.

The older Smasher turned to Roy and Link. "And you guys went tribal on me because…?"

"Um," Link stuttered, grabbed the redhead, and moved him in front of himself. "I'll let Confucius explain."

"Well, um…" Roy began. "We ran into Kirby and stuff… Then he bribed us into joining his tribe."

Marth glared. "What could little Kirby have told you to get you to do something so stupid?"

"He, uh… He said there'd be women."

Marth looked down at Kirby. "This is all your fault."

Kirby flashed him a huge, toothy grin.

"He said there'd be a lot of things." Roy leaned closer and whispered to Marth. "Believe me, he's one tough negotiator."

They looked down at Kirby, who was chasing a random butterfly.

"Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. We're stuck here forever." Link sat on the ground and scowled.

"Way to look at the bright side." Roy crossed his arms. "You're about as negative as Marth."

The three watched Kirby wander around like a waddling toddler for a while. Roy sighed and rested his head on his knees, as did Link. Marth looked over at his tribal, midriff-bearing fellow swordsmen. "Would you two put your shirts back on please? You're scaring me."

"Oh. Right." The two replied and untied their turban-like headdresses. They put them back on and faced Marth, who face-palmed.

Roy looked over at Link. "Nice tie-dye."

Link looked over at Roy's own torn, dismantled shirt. "Hey, you too."

"CHEERIO, CHILDREN!"

"What the---?!" cried Link.

All three swordsmen looked into the sky. Roy shrieked, "IT'S THE FLYING NUN!"

A young woman, dressed in a long, black frilly dress and hat floated down towards the frightened swordsmen on an umbrella. She hovered a few inches off of the ground. Her hair was tied under her hat and she pushed back a few dark strands. She replied in a British accent. "I beg your pardon! I will NOT have you comparing me to that flying sack of biscuits, you insolent little boy!"

Roy ran behind Marth, who asked, "And you are…?"

"Why, you haven't heard of me, darling? I'm Mary Poppins!"

"Mary whom?"

"Poppins!" the British woman replied. "And I'll not have you forget it again, you blue-haired twit!"

Marth's eyes widened.

Roy whispered to Link. "Mary Poppins is a bit _snippier_ than I remember…" Link nodded.

"I heard that there were some children in danger somewhere in Africa and naturally _I_ came to the rescue!" Mary Poppins replied.

"WE'RE SAVED!!" Link and Roy jumped at Mary Poppins and nearly choked the woman. "HALLELUIAH!"

"Did you bring food?!" Roy looked up at the very British Mary Poppins.

"No."

"Drat."

Roy and Link began to dance and celebrate behind the British-accented woman. Mary Poppins turned to Marth, who didn't want any part of this. "I'll bet you're the ring leader in all this, eh, twiggy?"

Marth's eye twitched. _I swear I'm going to kill this woman._ "Ah, would you like to meet my new friend, Mary?"

Mary Poppins began putting on British make-up. "I'm sure your taste in friends is as bad as your clothes, dear. What's your friend's name?"

"Why, her name's Falchion! Quite a lovely name, yes?" Marth replied in a fake British accent. He reached for Falchion and began to pull it out. "See, you just take it, raise it above your head, and---"

Roy and Link, upon hearing the conversation, ran and jumped Marth from behind.

"Get off! I have some business to take care of!" Marth cried to Roy and Link.

"No, Marth! You can't kill the nice British lady!" Roy tried to keep Marth down.

Marth struggled to get free. "I don't care! Let me go!"

"Marth, she's our only hope of getting back to the others!" Link tried to reason with killing-spree Marth. "Think about it. Don't you want to back?"

The blue-haired swordsman stopped struggling. He looked at Mary, who was putting makeup all over Kirby. "Fine. But I _will_ get revenge."

The three stood up and faced Mary Poppins. Roy asked, "What do we have to do?"

"Climb aboard, my little duckies!"

"Climb aboard what?" Link asked.

Mary Poppins reached into a medium-sized black bag she carried with her. She reached inside and pulled out three full-sized umbrellas. "These! These will take you back to where you need to go!"

"Seriously?!" Roy cried, grabbing Kirby then grabbing an umbrella. He began to lift off of the ground. "Whoa! Quick, guys! Grab the others!"

Marth and Link each grabbed an umbrella and began to follow Roy into the sky. They became higher and higher until they were in the air and above the trees. Mary Poppins floated alongside them for guidance.

After their long, tiring journey, the traveler's were finally on their way home.

_Epilogue_

Three swordsmen and one gumball landed on solid ground. Waiting for them were all of their fellow Smashers. Young Link, though normally annoying to his older counterpart, was now happy that he was back. He had learned that playing tricks on Donkey Kong didn't have the same effect, due to the fact that he either crushed them, ate them, or didn't get it.

Marth surprisingly greeted Princess Peach very openly, making her wonder if there was a shift in the universe. Roy followed Kirby over Yoshi and the Pokémon. Roy didn't understand a word they were saying, but he didn't really care as long as he was back with the rest of the Smashers.

Everyone was reunited once again and all was good… Except for one thing.

"Goodbye, children! I hope your lives bring you good fortune and joyous rapture!" cried a British voice on an umbrella. Mary Poppins, having followed them back, was now floating away.

Marth cleared his throat and began to mimic in a high-pitched British voice. "Oh, goodbye, Mary! It _truly_ is a burden to see you and that hideous bag of yours go! A terrible, terrible burden!"

"Eh, same to you, twiggy!" Mary Poppins and her very accurate hearing replied.

Marth's eye twitched again. _That's it. You're going down._ The prince made sure everyone gathered inside before taking out his conveniently placed slingshot Young Link had given him. He aimed into the sky, pulled back, and fired.

"EIEEE! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'RE GOING DOWN!" Mary Poppins cried, flailing herself in the air.

Marth watched with a smirk. He gripped the slingshot and put it in his belt, then sighed. "Life is good."

---

Author's Notes: There. It's finally done. Whew! Actually, I was planning on this taking up two chapters, but I decided to combine them into one. Geez, I had no idea this would turn into a series! ::wipes tear::

Marth- Don't get all emotional. You were watching 'Mrs. Doubtfire' while watching this, for crying out loud.

Still. I spent nearly a year on this thing. Even though everyone's tired of swordsmen fics, I went ahead and did it anyway. I was afraid I'd get flames out the wazoo. I'm still going to be making stories for this section. It's probably one of my most favorite sections. Remember! Swordsmen fics are good as long as they don't all blow up in the end!

Roy- ::looks at 'Everybody-Blows-Up' fics:: Yes. Please. We don't like our dismantled body parts all over the walls, no we don't!

Link- It's very messy.

Well, thanks for all the reviews you guys have given me! You were too generous. ::gives everyone a cookie:: It was really fun to write! Keep posting stories and I'll review! Oh, and visit Deviantart. People are nice there. I'm nice!

Roy- Just let it go!

… Alrighty! I'll post a new story sometime in the future. But until then, goodnight, good morning, good evening, good after---

Roy- GOODBYE!

Bye-bye!


End file.
